


Six of Crows Text Conversations

by InejTheWraith



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe, Funny, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 16,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InejTheWraith/pseuds/InejTheWraith
Summary: I think it’s about time I updated this summary.A modern AU in which everyone has phones and annoy the heck of out each other with nicknames, jokes, and much, much more.Enjoy!(Discontinued)
Relationships: Genya Safin/David Kostyk, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Comments: 284
Kudos: 362





	1. Chat Group!

_Waffles (Waffles4ever) has added Edgelord (ThirtyMillionKruge), Wraith (ItsyBitsySpider), Sunshine (VanSunshine), JeSpErThEgReAt (KazSucks) and WOLFBOY (WolfBoy13) to the chat._

**Waffles:** Hey guys!!!

 **Sunshine:** What is this...?

 **Waffles:** I made a group chat?

 **JeSpErThEgReAt:** This is so cool!

 **WOLFBOY:** HOW DO YOU TURN CAPS LOCK OFF?!

 **Wraith:** Push the caps lock button, Matthias.

_Edgelord (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset names to (ThirtyMillionKruge), Nina (Waffles4ever), Inej (ItsyBitsySpider), Jesper (KazSucks), Wylan (VanSunshine) and Matthias (WolfBoy13)_

**Inej:** Oop, Kaz is here

 **Jesper:** We’re dead.

 **Nina:** Yep...

 **Matthias:** IT ISN’T WORKING INEJ

 **Kaz:** You guys do realize we’re all in the same room, right?

 **Wylan:** Yeah but it’s more fun this way

 **Matthias:** GUYS I CAN’T TURN CAPS LOCK OFF

 **Kaz:** Push the **** caps lock button!!

 **Kaz:** Wait what the **** it won’t let me swear!

 **Wylan:** Yeah, I did that.

 **Jesper:** Our innocent cinnamon roll is protecting himself, awwww

 **Inej:** Honestly that’s for the best

 **Wylan:** I’m not a cinnamon roll!

 **Matthias:** YES YOU ARE, AND I STILL CAN’T GET CAPS LOCKS TO TURN OFF

 **Nina:** How many times did you push it?!

 **Matthias:** A LOT

 **Inej:** Push it ONCE

 **Matthias:** Oh. That’s better.

 **Kaz:** Idiots. I live with idiots.


	2. Teasing Kaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina and Jesper have fun teasing Kaz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying these ❤️  
> I’m having lots of fun writing them.

**Kaz:** JESPER, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

 **Inej:** Ooh, Kaz is mad

 **Kaz:** Shut up, Wraith.

 **Nina:** oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 **Kaz:** I will actually kill, you I'm not kidding. JESPER!!!

 **Jesper:** Sheesh, Kaz, you're making my phone explode. 

**Kaz:** WHERE ARE YOU?!

 **Inej:** Hope ya have a good excuse this time, Jes

 **Jesper:** I'm on a date with Wylan, leave me alone!

 **Kaz:** WELL I NEED YOU HERE!

 **Jesper:** You want to go out with me too? I'm flattered, Kaz

 **Inej:** He's so dead.

 **Nina:** Yep.

 **Kaz:** I swear that if you're not back in 5 minutes, I will rip you apart limb by limb and laugh at your screams

 **Je** **sper:** Awww, you miss me.

 **Kaz:** I didn't- you- AAARGH!

 **Inej:** Awwwww, you miss him, Kaz

 **Kaz:** I do NOT miss him

 **Jesper:** Who wouldn't miss this beautiful face?

 **Nina:** You're pushing it a bit there, don't you think?

 **Jesper:** Nah.

 **Kaz:** I'm actually going to kill you.

 **Inej:** Kaz, n0

 **Kaz:** Inej, yEs

 **Inej:** If you kill him, I'll tell everyone what you did last night

 **Kaz:** JESPER LIVES

 **Nina:** Kaz, what DID you do last night?

 **Jesper:** yEs KaZ, TeLL uS

 **Kaz:** I hate you, Inej

 **Inej:** You can't hate me that much, considering that you kissed me

 **Jesper:**...

 **Nina:**...

 **Kaz:** INEJ!

 **Jesper:** OoOoOoOoOoOo

 **Kaz:** SHUT UP!

 **Nina:** INEJ AND KAAZZ SITTING IN A TREE

 **Kaz:** I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DESTROY YOU!

 **Jesper:** K-I-S-S-I-N-G

 **Kaz:** SHUT IT!

 **Nina:** Kaz is in loooove, Kaz is in looooove

_Kaz has left the chat group_


	3. Truth or Dare!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing some truth or dare through texts. Kaz now despises the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda long, oops. Wrote it at night, when I was tired, so sorry for any typos.

**Jesper:** I think we should play a game.

 **Inej:** Like what?

 **Jesper:** Truth or Dare!

 **Kaz:** This ought to be good...

 **Nina:** I LOVE truth or dare!!

 **Matthias:** I despise truth or dare.

 **Wylan:** Agreed.

 **Inej:** Eh, I’ll play.

 **Jesper:** Okay, okay. I’ll go first. Kaz, truth or dare?

 **Kaz:** I feel like this will go badly either way... Dare.

 **Jesper:** Kiss Inej.

 **Nina:** Ooooooh

 **Kaz:** Not happening.

 **Inej:** You haaaaaave to.

 **Kaz:** Stop sounding happy about this.

 **Wylan:** You were the one who asked for a dare, Kaz

 **Matthias:** Just do it.

 **Kaz:** What are you, a Nike advertiser?

 **Nina:** Do it, do it, do it

 **Jesper:** DO IT, DO IT, DO IT

 **Kaz:** *kisses Inej* There

 **Wylan:** You can’t just write *kisses Inej*

 **Matthias:** That’s cheating!

 **Kaz:** It’s Jesper’s fault for not being specific.

 **Jesper:** Dammit, fine.

 **Kaz:** Nina, truth or dare?

 **Nina:** DARE!

 **Kaz:** No waffles for a week.

 **Nina:** EXCUSE ME?! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT WAFFLES!

 **Kaz:** You deserve it.

 **Inej:** Awww, poor Nina

 **Matthias:** I’m going to be so rich now that I don’t have to spend all my money on waffles for her

 **Nina:** We have a deal going, Matthias. You buy me waffles, I kiss you

 **Matthias:** I don’t see why you choose NOW to mention this!

 **Inej:** Ooooooh

 **Kaz:** O?

 **Inej:** No, Kaz, you have to repeat the ‘o’. Like this. Oooooooooooooo

 **Kaz:** o.o.o.o.o

 **Inej:** You don’t need periods after every ‘o’.

 **Kaz:** I want it to be grammatically correct. And Nina, if you don’t agree to the ‘no waffles’ thing I’ll break up with Inej.

 **Inej:** Excuse me?!

 **Nina:** KANEJ MUST LIVE. Fine, no waffles for a week.

 **Kaz:** Your turn to ask someone, then.

 **Nina:** Okay, Inej, truth or dare?

 **Inej:** Truth.

 **Nina:** You’re no fun. Okay, do you love Kaz?

 **Inej:**...

 **Kaz:**... why do I feel like this is still targeted at me?!

 **Wylan:** Because it is.

 **Nina:** Answer the question, Inej

 **Inej:** Only a fool would love Kaz Brekker.

 **Kaz:** Yes, she doesn’t love me, can we continue, please?

 **Inej:** But it appears I am a fool.

 **Nina:** OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 **Jesper:** Ooooooo Kazzzz she loooooooves you

 **Kaz:** Shut up, Fahey

 **Inej:** I am enjoying this. Wylan, truth or dare?

 **Wylan:** Truth?

 **Kaz:** Jesper, stop whispering ‘Dare’ in his ear

 **Jesper:** You have creepy good hearing, Kaz

 **Inej:** What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard Jesper say is his sleep?

 **Jesper:** Hey! I don’t sleep-talk!

 **Wylan:**...yes you do, Jes. The weirdest thing was probably “Oh Kazzzzz, you’re so handsome.... I luuuuuuvvvvv you.”

 **Kaz:** WHAT?! NO! ON SO MANY LEVELS, NO.

 **Jesper:** Please tell me I didn’t actually say that...

 **Wylan:** You did.

 **Matthias:** Someone please push the mute buttons on Inej and Nina, their laughing is breaking my ears...

 **Kaz:** WHY ARE ALL OF THESE ALWAYS TARGETED AT ME?!

 **Wylan:** Okay, Matthias, truth or dare?

 **Matthias:** Truth.

 **Wylan:** If you could punch anyone right now, who would it be?

 **Inej:** I love how everyone including Matthias is looking at Kaz right now

 **Kaz:** Matthias, if you say ‘Kaz’ I will murder you in your sleep.

 **Jesper:** Matthias is considering it... Matthias is looking at me... Why is he looking at me?!

 **Matthias:** I’d punch Jesper.

 **Jesper:** Hey!!

 **Kaz:** Wise choice.

 **Inej:** We all know the real answer.

 **Nina:** And everyone is looking at Kaz again.

 **Kaz:** it’s very diffictje to type while glarign at yoi

 **Matthias:** Jesper, truth or dare?

 **Jesper:** DARE!

 **Matthias:** I dare you to punch Kaz.

 **Kaz:** Every. Single. One. Is. Targeted. At. Me.

 **Inej:** Technically, Nina’s wasn’t.

 **Kaz:** You shut your mouth.

 **Inej:** o.o Jes punched Kaz

 **Nina:** Wow, I didn’t think he’d actually do it.

 **Wylan:** I hope Jesper is fast.

 **Matthias:** I don’t.


	4. Waffles!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina runs out of waffles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A random short one I did. 7 kudos already, wow! Thanks, everyone!  
> Also, I just finished Ruin and Rising. Very emotional. And I still ship Nikolai and Alina no matter what Leigh Bardugo thinks.

**Nina:** GUYS, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!!

 **Inej:** What's wrong?

 **Jesper:** Is it Kaz? Did he finally die?!

 **Kaz:** No, I'm here

 **Jesper:** Dang it...

 **Kaz:** Try again.

 **Jesper:** Yay, Kaz is alive!

 **Matthias:** What's going on?

 **Wylan:** Nina, answer us!

 **Nina:** Okay guys, I'll tell you whats wrong, but you have to promise to stay calm.

 **Inej:** Sure.

 **Matthias:** Okay.

 **Kaz:** Fine.

 **Jesper:** :D :D

 **Wylan:** Jesper says yes. So do I.

 **Nina:** Okay, okay. WE'RE OUT OF WAFFLES!!!

 **Kaz:** Are. You. KIDDING ME?!

 **Nina:** No! Isn't it horrible?!

 **Inej:** Nina, please make sure it's an actually emergency next time...

 **Wylan:** Yeah, I was in the middle of drawing!

 **Nina:** I'm serious!

**Nina:** Guys?

**Nina:** Helloooo?

**Nina:**...

**Nina:** I'm still hungry


	5. Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short, weird thing. Thanks for the kudos!

**Matthias:** I don’t like this.

 **Jesper:** You don’t have to like it.

 **Matthias:** We’re all going to be killed

 **Jesper:** Not if you listen to me.

 **Matthias:** What part of your half-insane mind thinks it’s a good idea to steal from Kaz Brekker?

 **Jesper:** Are you scared of him? 

**Matthias:** Yes.

 **Nina:** Me too.

 **Inej:** I could go tell Kaz right now.

 **Jesper:** NO DON’T YOU DARE!

 **Nina:** Jesper’s scared too.

 **Inej:** You guys go get yourself killed if you want. I’m going to feed the crows.

 **Jesper:** But we need you for the plan- she’s gone.

 **Matthias:** Me and Nina quit too.

 **Jesper:** Kaz won’t even know!

 **Kaz:** Jesper, you realize you’re texting _me_ all of this too?

 **Jesper** : ...

 **Matthias:** Nice going, Jesper

**Jesper:** Shit.

 **Kaz:** Yes, you idiot.

 **Jesper:**...oops

 **Kaz:** Now get your face over here so I can kill you


	6. Emoji War!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally just Jes and Inej trying to beat each other at making emojis

**Jesper:** Inej, I bet I can make better emojis than you

 **Ine** **j:** Is that a challenge?

 **Jesper:** Yes, yes it is. I challenge you to an emoji war.

 **Inej:** You’re on.

 **Jesper:** Okay, I’ll start. :)

 **Inej:** That is just so sad. :D

 **Jesper!** It’ll get better. (-:

 **Inej:** I sure hope so. o-O

 **Jesper:** That’s the expression on your face when you see THIS: T-T

 **Inej:** Let’s get serious, here. <>< FISH TIME

 **Jesper:** Oh, my speacialty. <*)))><

 **Inej:** Watch and learn, Jes. <*)_)))_)><[

 **Jesper:** -.- You’re the worst. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

 **Inej:** Oh, we're getting serious now. ｡◕‿◕｡

 **Jesper:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Inej:** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 **Jesper:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/

 **Inej:** ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴

 **Jesper:** ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

 **Inej:** (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

 **Jesper:** (╯°Д°)╯︵/(.□ . \\)

 **Inej:** ┻━┻︵ \\(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

 **Kaz:** ╰(⇀︿⇀)つ-]═─── ┻━┻︵ \\(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)눈_눈.̮.( ꒪Д꒪)ノ┬┴┤･ω･)ﾉ hello?├┬┴┬(-■_■)

 **Inej:** So Kaz wins then.

 **Jesper:** Yep.


	7. Zoya and Kaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally just Zoya and Kaz arguing

Here’s one between Zoya and Kaz

 **Zoya:** Hello, Brekker

 **Kaz:** How the hell did you get my number?!

 **Zoya:** Because I’m amazing.

 **Kaz:** I’m Dirtyhands, the most dangerous man in Ketterdam. No one is more amazing than me.

 **Zoya:** You’re just a teenager with edgy hair and a cane who has never done anything useful in his life

 **Kaz:** I ripped out a man’s eye once

 **Zoya:** I’ve cooked people alive, sit down

 **Kaz:** I infiltrated the Ice Court

 **Zoya:** I infiltrated your home

 **Kaz:**...

 **Zoya:** I win.

,


	8. Riley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what this is 😂  
> Kaz get tormented by the rest of the Crows for naming his hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your support ❤️  
> Enjoy!

**Inej:** Guys, I found out something hilarious.

 **Kaz:** Don’t you dare tell them!

 **Inej:** Oh, I’m telling them.

 **Nina:** What is it?

 **Jesper** Yeah, I wanna know!

 **Kaz:** IT’S NOTHING OKAY WE CAN MOVE ON NOW

 **Wylan:** I’m curious too!

 **Matthias:** This is entertaining

 **Kaz:** IT’S NOTHING! N O T H I N G AND INEJ IS A LIAR

 **Inej:** Kaz, stop trying to grab my phone!!!

 **Kaz:** Then keep your mouth shut!

 **Inej:** KAZ NAMED HIS HAIR

 **Wylan:**...

 **Jesper:** Wait wait wait... he named his hair?!

 **Kaz:** NO I DIDN’T! 

**Nina:** Ooh, what did you name it, Kaz?

 **Kaz:** Nina, SHUT IT. And Inej, you are so dead

 **Inej:** I doubt that.

 **Matthias:** This is amazing

 **Jesper:** Inej, what did he name it?

 **Kaz:** DON’T TELL THEM

 **Inej:** He named it Riley

 **Kaz:** LIES, I TELL YOU! LIES!

 **Jesper:** 😂😂😂

_Nina (Waffles4Ever) has reset name to Riley._

**Riley:** I’m Kaz’s hair :D :D and Kaz is a creepy psychopath who’s in love with Inej

 **Kaz:** I **** hate you. 

**Wylan:** This is awesome. Wait, I have an idea!

_Wylan (Van Sunshine) has reset Riley (Waffles4ever)’s name to Nina._

_Wylan (VanSunshine) has reset Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley._

**Nina:** Awwww

 **Riley:** NO! JUST NO!

_Riley (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz._

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset Inej (ItsyBitsSpider)’s name to TRAITOR_

**Kaz:** Much better.

**TRAITOR: 😏**

_TRAITOR_ _(ItsyBitsySpider) has reset Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley4life_

**Riley4life:** You little...

 **Jesper:** I love how the rest of us are just watching all this happen

 **Matthias:** Best not to get involved.

 _Riley4life (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to_ _KAZ_

 **KAZ:** NOW NO ONE CHANGE IT

_Nina (Waffles4ever) has reset KAZ (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree_

**Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree:** That is so wrong on so many levels...

 **Jesper:** And here I thought Kaz was as straight as his cane

 **Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree:** Shut it, Fahey

_Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz._

**Kaz:** Next person to change my name gets kicked from the chat group.

 **Jesper:** Sure.

 **Kaz:** And no one will say a word about this

 **Jesper:** Why are you looking at me?

 **Wylan:** Why do you think, Jes?

 **Jesper:** I DON’T KNOWWWWW

 **Kaz:** I’m going back to bed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of a roleplay I did with a friend


	9. Never Have I Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of never have I ever becomes an argument about Inej

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, this was fun :)

**Jesper:** Hey guys?

 **Inej:** What?

 **Jesper:** Wanna play ‘never have I ever’?

 **Kaz:** Is this going to end like truth or dare did?

 **Jesper:** No. Facing Kaz’s wrath once is enough

 **Nina:** It’s not fair, Kaz never gets mad at Inej

 **Wylan:** Agreed.

 **Inej:** I’m just that much better then all of you

 **Jesper:** Haha, suuuuuure

 **Matthias:** You’ve got the advantage of Kaz being in love with you

 **Kaz:** THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER. Let’s play.

 **Matthias:** Never have I ever eaten Nina’s biscuits.

 **Inej:** I have!

 **Nina:** I have, obviously.

 **Kaz:** I did, once. They were gross.

 **Nina:** EXCUSE ME, HOW DID YOU GET THEM?!

 **Kaz:** I opened the box, picked one up, and ate it.

 **Jesper:** So you stole it.

 **Kaz:** Basically.

 **Nina:** I hate you, Brekker

 **Jesper:** She won’t share them with _me_!

 **Kaz:** You’ll get over it. Okay... never have I ever kissed Jesper Fahey

 **Matthias:** Saints no

 **Nina:** I mean he’s cute and all but I’ve got Matty instead

 **Jesper:** Is it possible to kiss yourself?

 **Kaz:** nO

 **Jesper:** Well Wylan’s kissed me many times

 **Wylan:** Did you really have to say that?

 **Nina:** And we all know Inej hasn’t because her heart belongs to Kaz

 **Inej:** Actually...

 **Kaz:** WHAT?!

 **Inej:** It was one time! And it was a dare!

 **Matthias:** This just got interesting

 **Jesper:** You do realize Kaz will never forgive us for this, don’t you?

 **Kaz:** JESPER LLEWELYN FAHEY, GET OVER HERE

 **Inej!** He’ll forgive me. He won’t forgive you.

 **Jesper:** HELP MEEEEEE

 **Nina:** They’ll be busy for a while. Never have I ever actually thought Kaz’s schemes would work

 **Inej** : Nope, I think we were all just extremely lucky

 **Kaz:** Excuse me, my plans are flawless

 **Matthias:** I knew we were doomed from the moment he started talking

 **Wylan:** They were a bit of a long shot...

 **Inej:** Jesper’s just laying on the ground moaning

 **Kaz:** Good.

 **Inej:** Kaz, be nice. Never have I ever almost died

 **Nina:** What about that time Oomen stabbed you?

 **Inej:** That doesn’t count. I was fine, like I said.

 **Matthias:** How about that fight with Dunyasha?

 **Inej:** Nina caught me. I didn’t almost die

 **Nina:** Excuse me, you fell 20 stories! If that’s not almost dying, I don’t know what is.

 **Inej:** It was 21 stories.

 **Kaz:** You almost died. Face it.

 **Inej:** I ALMOST ALMOST DIED. I DIDN’T ALMOST DIE.

 **Wylan:** What’s the difference?!

 **Nina:** I have no idea...

 **Inej:** THERE IS A DIFFERENCE

 **Kaz:** FACE IT, WRAITH

 **Inej:** NEVER!

_Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) has left the chat._


	10. Requests!

Alright, I need ideas, so if you guys have any requests, put them here! Thanks!  
Pleeeese gimme requests  
I NEED THEM because I’m so uncreative

Have a weird little thing.

Wylan: *looking at Kuwei* Die  
Inej: ...it doesn’t work like that.  
Wylan: Die die die die  
Kuwei: Hello, Wylan.  
Wylan: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE  
Kaz: I have taught him well.


	11. Wesper Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by beingthebait! This was fun to write!

**Jesper:** Morning, Sunshine

 **Wylan:** Jesper... It’s 3 am... why are you texting me at 3 am?!

 **Jesper:**...

 **Jesper:** That’s a good question

 **Wylan:** I’m going back to bed...

 **Jesper:** No!

 **Jesper:** WYLAN!

 **Jesper:** SUNSHINE, WAKE UP

 **Jesper:** WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN

 **Wylan:** Stopppppp I’m trying to sleep

 **Jesper:** Haha! I have succeeded! My incredibly good looks have awoken you. Awaken? Woke uppen? Awoketh? Awakeneth?

 **Wylan:**...

 **Wylan:** It’s too early for this...

 **Jesper:** It’s never too early for my beautiful face

 **Wylan:** I will actually block you

 **Jesper:** You wouldn’t. 😏

 **Wyaln:** I will if you don’t let me sleep!

 **Jesper:** Sleep is for the weak

 **Wylan:** You sounds like Kaz.

 **Jesper:** But more handsome

 **Wylan:** Fine, whatever...

 **Jesper:** He admits it! Haha!

 **Wylan:** Shut up.

_Kuwei (ImBack) has joined the chat._

**Wylan:** Oh no..

 **Kuwei:** Hello.

 **Jesper:** Kuwei... why are you here?

 **Kuwei:** I thought I’d see what my boyfriend is doing

 **Wylan:** SOMEONE PLEASE BLOCK HIM 

**Jesper:**...um...

 **Wylan:** Kuwei, GO AWAY

 **Kuwei:** I’d rather not

 **Wylan:** JESPER, MAKE HIM LEAVE

 **Kuwei:** Jesper won’t do that. He loves me.

 **Jesper:**....Kuwei, you know I have a boyfriend?

 **Kuwei:** Yes. It’s me.

 **Jesper:** Um, no. It’s Wylan.

 **Kuwei:** People die. All the time.

_Kuwei (ImBack) has left the chat._

**Wylan:** I’m scared.

 **Jesper:** Don’t worry, he’s just kidding

 **Wylan:** Yeah, you’re probably right.

5 minutes later...

 **Wylan:** JESPER HELP THERE’S SOMEONE AT MY WINDOW


	12. Charging Cord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina’s phone is about to die and the charging cord is missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your support means so much! Thanks to everyone for reading and thanks for all the kind comments and kudos! You can still request scenarios!

**Nina:** Alright, which one of you idiots took the charging cord?

 **Inej:** Not me.

 **Kaz:** Get another fricking charging cord

 **Wylan:** You know it seems kinda stupid that we only bought one for all of us to share

 **Matthias:** I’m sorry, have you met us? We are the embodiment of stupidity.

 **Nina:** Well my phone is gonna die, so which one of you have it?!

 **Jesper:** Please don’t turn this into another guessing game...

 **Kaz:** One of us has to have it. Who used it last?

 **Wylan:** Wait, who has the most battery left?

 **Inej:** 97%

 **Wylan:** Mine’s 77%

 **Matthias:** 52%

 **Kaz:** 80%

 **Nina:** 2% and it’s gonna die if ya don’t hurry up

 **Jesper:** 16%

 **Nina:** INEJ! YOU EVIL TRAITOR-

 **Inej:** Hey! That’s not exactly fair. I rarely use my phone, so obviously I’d have more left. Jesper goes through his phone’s whole battery before I even go down 1%

 **Jesper:** Excuse me, your phone is just better

 **Kaz:** Her phone is 5 years older than your phone, Jesper

 **Jesper:** Oh. Riiiiight...

 **Matthias:** I think Kaz has it and is just doing this to annoy us

 **Kaz:** That’s possible.

 **Nina:** BREKKER GET YOUR FACE OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU

 **Wylan:** Kaz, if you have it, can you please say so?

 **Kaz:** Nah I’m good

 **Nina:** THIS ISN’T UP FOR NEGOTIATION!

 **Inej:** Nina, you can’t ask Kaz to do something and expect him to do it

 **Nina:** Technically, Wylan asked him.

 **Wylan:** Inej, maybe you should ask

 **Inej:** 🙄 Kaz, dearest, would you kindly return the charging cord to Nina Zenik so that she may replenish her phone’s battery?

 **Matthias:** Awwww

 **Kaz:** Alright but I’ll need Jesper to give it to me first.

 **Jesper:** Hey! Kaz!

 **Kaz:** You’re literally sitting right next to me laughing about it. I thought it’d get you to shut up

 **Nina:** JESPER! HERE. NOW. 

**Jesper:** But now she’s gonna kill me!

 **Kaz:** Not if you don’t die

 **Jesper:** That’s what kill me means, you idiot

 **Kaz:** You’ll survive

 **Matthias:** That’s not how that works...

 **Jesper:** HELP, SHE FOUND ME!

 **Inej:** Good luck!

 **Wylan:** He’ll need it...


	13. Tulip-Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Lynn_Forster  
> Matthias and Nina have a conversation, but don't realize they're talking in the group chat.

**Nina:** Matttyyyyyyy

 **Matthias:** What now?

 **Nina:** I’m hungryyyyyyy

 **Matthias:** Get yourself some food, then

 **Nina:** But Kaz is standing next to the fridge glaring at me. It’s creepy.

 **Matthias:** Well I’m not going over there

 **Nina:** Don’t you love me??

 **Matthias:** Yes, dear, but I’m not messing with Brekker.

 **Nina:** Jesper would get it for me...

 **Matthias:** Fine! I’m going, sheesh

 **Nina:** Yay!

 **Matthias:** This is a one-time thing, alright?

 **Nina:** That’s what you said about kissing me, but it happened many, _many_ times

 **Matthias:** Would you shut up?

 **Nina:** I’d rather not

 **Matthias:** Please?

 **Nina:** NEVER

 **Matthias:** Well now Kaz is smirking at me, thanks a lot

 **Nina:** Wait, he’s smirking? That’s never good.

 **Matthias:** More like grinning, actually. Inej is doing it too

 **Nina** : Ignore them. Also, this waffle is delicious! 

**Matthias:** Can I at least have a thank-you?

 **Nina:** Thank you, Tulip-face

 **Matthias:** Please don’t

 **Nina:** My little drüskelle

 **Matthias:** You can stop now

 **Nina:** Matty Catty

 **Matthias:** What does that even- I don’t want to know...

 **Nina:** The best kisser in all of Ketterdam

**Matthias:**

**Nina:** Aside from Jesper, of course

 **Matthias:** Oh yeah, and how would you know?

 **Matthias:** Wait, don’t answer that

 **Jesper:** She’s got a good point there

**Nina: ...**

**Matthias:**...

 **Nina:** Um, how much of that did you hear?

 **Jesper:** The whole thing

 **Matthias:** Frick.

 **Kaz:** That’s an understandable response.

 **Nina:** Not you too!

 **Matthias:** Nina, love, I think we sent this to the group chat...

 **Nina:**...oops

 **Jesper:** Don’t worry, Tulip-face. We won’t tell anyone

 **Matthias:** Shut up

 **Wylan:** You say that a lot, don’t you?

 **Nina:** It’s his favourite sentence

 **Matthias:** It is not.

 **Inej:** Then what is? “Nina, I love you?”

 **Matthias:** I hate you

 **Kaz:** You’d be surprised how often people tell us that

_Matthias (WolfBoy13) has rage-quit the chat._


	14. A Guessing Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz forgets an important day, just like he does every year

**Inej:** Good morning, everyone

 **Kaz:** Hello.

 **Jesper:** You guys think Kaz remembered?

 **Nina:** Nah

 **Kaz:** Remembered what?

 **Matthias:** Did he forget again?

 **Kaz:** What did I forget?!

 **Inej:** Do you know what day it is, Kaz?

 **Kaz:** It’s Tuesday, July 7th

 **Wylan:** That’s not what she means

 **Nina:** I can’t believe he forgot _again_

 **Kaz:** Is it Christmas already?

 **Matthias:** Of course not, you idiot

 **Inej:** Here we go...

 **Kaz:** Is it Halloween?

 **Jesper:** It’s not flipping October, Kaz

 **Kaz:** New Years?

 **Inej:** NO

 **Kaz:** Easter?

 **Nina:** He really doesn’t remember, does he?

 **Inej:** He does this every year. I’m used to it.

 **Kaz:** Hanukkah?

 **Jesper:** Nope

 **Kaz:** I swear if it’s international Jesper day, I’m going to kill someone

 **Wylan:** No, that was last week

 **Kaz:** Thank the saints. Is it Kerch Day?

 **Nina:** No.

 **Kaz:** Day of the Dead? 

**Wylan:** No

 **Kaz:** Is it some stupid Saints day?

 **Inej:** 🙄 No, Kaz

 **Kaz:** Djel Day?

 **Matthias:** That’s not a thing

 **Kaz:** Pi Day?

 **Wylan:** I wish...

 **Jesper:** Hey guys, if pi goes on forever, does that mean Pi Day never ends?

 **Inej:** Jesper?

 **Jesper:** Yeah?

 **Inej:** Shut up.

 **Kaz:** I’m running out of ideas here. Is it Spider Day?

 **Nina: ...** Don’t think that exists

 **Inej:** Of course it does

 **Kaz:** Waffle day?

 **Nina:** EVERY DAY IS WAFFLE DAY

 **Jesper:** It’s not waffle day

 **Kaz:** Everyone keeps secrets from their favourite person day?

 **Inej:** You’re impossible

_Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has joined the chat_

**Nikolai:** IMPROBABLE!!!

_Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has left the chat_

**Nina:**...so that was random

 **Kaz:** Wait

 **Kaz:** I think I know

 **Inej:** Guys I think he actually remebered

 **Kaz:** It’s April Fool’s day, isn’t it? This is all a joke

 **Inej:** NO!

 **Kaz:** Well I don’t know!!!

 **Inej:** It’s my birthday, Kaz.

**Kaz: 😐**

**Kaz: 😑**

**Kaz: ...**

**Kaz:**...You gonna say April Fools or what?


	15. Kaz Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally just everyone doing an impression of Kaz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still taking requests btw

**Jesper:** Let’s play a game

 **Wylan:** How come all of our conversations start like this...?

 **Kaz:** And end with me almost killing someone?

 **Inej:** Hey, I’ll play

 **Nina:** Me too

 **Kaz:** Fine...

 **Matthias:** Alright.

 **Wylan:** So what’s the game?

 **Jesper:** We have to pretend to be each other. Like do impressions of each other

 **Nina:** Who wants to see my Kaz Brekker impression??

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Inej:** Do it, Nina!

 **Nina:** “I’m Kaz and I despise everyone except Inej because she’s beautiful. She’s almost as beautiful as my thirty million kruge. Oh Ineeeejjjjjjj I luuuvvvv youuuuu”

 **Wylan:** That was wonderful

 **Kaz:** THIS GAME IS OVER

 **Matthias:** You have to admit it was accurate

 **Jesper:** My turn! 

**Jesper:** “JESPER LLEWELYN FAHEY GET OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!”

 **Nina:** Flawless

 **Kaz:** I do _not_ sound like that

 **Inej:** Ehhh you kinda do 

**Kaz:** I bet Inej can do a decent impression of me

 **Inej:** Alright.

 **Inej:** “All I care about is my _THIRTY MILLION FRICKING KRUGE”_

 **Kaz:** You’re all disappointments

 **Jesper:** Thank you.

 **Kaz:** Wylan, help me out here

 **Wylan:** “ _Useless merchling”_

 **Kaz: 😐** I’m afraid to ask Matthias’s version

 **Matthias:** “You can’t break into the Ice Court, they said. It’s impossible, they said. But when people say impossible, they usually mean improbable.”

 **Nina:** It’s like Kaz and Nikolai Lantsov combined

 **Inej!** I think Nikolai is basically the happy version of Kaz

 **Kaz:** I am nothing like Nikolai. He’s an annoying reckless jerk 

**Wylan:** You just described yourself-

 **Kaz:** No one asked you, Wylan

 **Inej:** But-

 **Kaz:** This discussion is over

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has deleted the chat group_


	16. What Goes In A Toaster?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of an argument me and my sister had. We also do the alternative: what comes out of a toaster?

**Jesper:** I have a question none of you will get right.

 **Kaz:** That’s impossible.

 **Jesper:** Oh yeah? What goes in a toaster?

 **Kaz:** Bread, obviously

 **Jesper:** See, you think it’s toast, but really- oh. Very well, then

 **Jesper:** You're still wrong

 **Inej:** Then what’s the answer?

 **Jesper:** Uncooked toast.

**Kaz: 😑**

**Inej:** Ask me!

 **Jesper:** Inej, what goes in a toaster

 **Inej:** Uncooked fricking toast

 **Jesper:** Wrong. Bread goes in a toaster

 **Inej:** That’s cheating-

 **Jesper:** Inej, Kaz, what goes in a toaster?

 **Kaz:** Uncooked toast!!!

 **Inej:** Bread!!!

 **Jesper:** You’re both wrong. Cooked dough goes in a toaster

 **Kaz:** NO ONE CALLS IT FRICKING COOKED DOUGH

 **Inej:** There’s no right answer!

 **Jesper:** Of course there is. Nina, what goes in a toaster?

 **Nina:** WAFFLES

 **Jesper:** And there you have it: Nina Zenik is smarter than both Kaz and Inej

 **Inej:** RIGGED

 **Kaz:** Jesper, what goes in a toaster?

 **Jesper:** Good question

 **Kaz:** Your hand when I catch you

 **Jesper:**...

 **Kaz:** You can have a three second head start if it makes you feel better


	17. Jesper’s Puns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally just Jes annoying everyone else with puns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, I’ve been kinda busy with softball. But here’s another one for you!

**Jesper:** Wow, there sure were a lot of _kaz_ -ualties from the fire

 **Wylan:** Not again...

 **Kaz:** You do this just to annoy us, don’t you?

 **Jesper:** Of corpse not!

 **Inej:** Please no...

 **Kaz:** Stop making references to me being a killer

 **Jesper:** I’m being dead serious, Kaz

 **Kaz:** I am going to kill you

 **Jesper:** Now _Wy_ would you ever do that?

 **Wylan:** Don’t drag me into this!!

 **Matthias:** SOMEONE MAKE HIM SHUT UP

 **Jesper:** You’re not _Jes-_ perate for more puns?

 **Nina:** Now he’s doing them about himself...

 **Inej:** This will probably last a while

 **Jesper:** What the Helvar are you guys talking about? My jokes are amazing!

 **Matthias:** NO NO NO NO NO

 **Jesper:** I’m just winging it here

 **Nina:** And he’s onto the crow puns

 **Jesper:** Caw-mon, Nina, this is fun!

 **Kaz:** Should I block him?

 **Jesper:** Colm down, Kaz. 

**Wylan:** MAKE IT STOP

 **Kaz:** Jesper, you’re getting kicked from the chat group

 **Jesper:** But Kaz! It’ll _brekk_ my heart!

 **Inej:** Wait, I wanna hear these ones

 **Jesper:** I’ll tell you more after Brekkfast

 **Kaz:** THAT’S IT

 **Jesper:** Do you Nina hug, Kaz?

_Jesper (KazSucks) has been kicked from the chat group._


	18. Help Me (Not an actual chapter)

I am completely out of ideas  
Help!  
Sorry, this isn’t an update 😂


	19. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Beingthebait  
> This is the first out of three conversations for your request, Basically a Shadow and Bone crossover. This conversation is between Nikolai, Inej, Kaz, and Zoya.  
> Enjoy!

_Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has added Zoya (KazSucks2), Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) and Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat._

**Kaz:** What is this...?

 **Kaz:** Also, why the hell is Zoya here? And why is her username ‘KazSucks2’?!

 **Zoya:** Unfortunately, KazSucks was already taken

 **Inej:** Yeah, I’m pretty sure Jesper’s username is that

 **Nikolai** : Well, how is my favourite couple of crows doing?

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** We aren’t a couple

 **Nikolai:** Yes, you keep telling yourselves that.

 **Zoya:** Why is Brekker here, Nikolai?

 **Nikolai:** We went over this already. We need to make sure they don’t go on any more crazy missions to Ice Courts

 **Zoya:** Why don’t we let them? Then they can finally die

 **Nikolai:** Zoya, if we let them go on another mission, they’ll come back rich and more famous than me!

 **Kaz:** I’m already more famous than you. Richer, too.

 **Nikolai:** That’s impossible.

 **Zoya:** Never thought I’d hear him say that...

 **Inej:** Guys, stop arguing. Kaz, be nice. Nikolai, be less annoying. Zoya, be less sarcastic.

 **Nikolai:** *gasps* I’m offended, Wraith. You think this handsome, talented man is annoying?

 **Kaz:** Yes.

 **Nikolai:** Your name isn’t Wraith.

 **Inej:** Yes.

 **Nikolai:**...

**Nikolai: 😕**

**Zoya:** Get over it, Lantsov.

 **Kaz:** Look, why are we here? We have much better things to do!

 **Inej:** Well actually-

 **Kaz:** Shut up, Inej

 **Zoya:** Please remind me how they broke into the Ice Court

 **Nikolai:** Luck. Lots and lots of luck.

 **Kaz:** It wasn’t luck. It was flawless planning.

 **Inej:** Well actually-

 **Kaz:** Stop saying that

 **Inej:** You did get me captured...

 **Nikolai:** They’re so cute together. I ship this so hard

 **Zoya:** Stop acting like a 17-year-old girl

 **Inej:** I find this offensive 

**Zoya:** That was the point

 **Nikolai:** Honestly, Zoya, between you and Kaz, you could rob the whole world of any happiness whatsoever

 **Kaz:** Honestly, Nikolai, between you and Jesper, you could annoy the whole world to death

 **Nikolai:** Why does everyone think I’m annoying?!

 **Zoya:** Because you are.

 **Nikolai:** I may be annoying, BUT I ALSO HAVE A FLYING SHIP

 **Nikolai:** DO YOU HAVE A FLYING SHIP?

 **Nikolai:** I DON’T THINK SO

 **Kaz:** You know what I do have?

 **Nikolai:** What?

 **Kaz:** A girlfriend.

 **Inej:**...

 **Kaz:**...

 **Zoya:**... are you saying I’m not his girlfriend?

 **Nikolai:**...

 **Kaz:**... would you believe me if I said autocorrect changed my text?

 **Nikolai:** No, probably not

 **Zoya:** I took a screenshot of this and I’m going to send it to everyone

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Inej:** YES SHE HAS PROOF HAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSS

 **Kaz:** I’M NEVER GOING TO HEAR THE END OF THIS FROM JESPER, PLEASE DON’T-

 _Zoya (_ _KazSucks2)_ _has deleted the chat group._


	20. Screenshot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Beingthebait  
> Here’s part 2! Zoya, Nikolai, and the Crows.

_Zoya (KazSucks2) has added Nikolai (HandsomePirate), Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge), Jesper (KazSucks), Wylan (VanSunshine), Nina (Waffles4ever), Matthias (WolfBoy13) and Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat._

_Zoya (KazSucks2) sent a picture._

**Jesper:** Wow, Kaz

 **Kaz:** I TOLD YOU NOT TO SEND IT

 **Zoya** **:** Who says I have to listen to you?

 **Kaz:** ME!

 **Inej:**...that's not really how it works

 **Nina:** YES! HE ADMITS IT!!

 **Kaz:** It was a typo, shut up

 **Jesper:** What, did you mean to say you have a boyfriend?

 **Kaz:** I thought you were done with your 'oh Kaz is so handsome' phase

 **Wylan:** Wait, that was a thing?

 **Nikolai:** Is there a 'oh Nikolai is so handsome' phase?

 **Jesper:** Kaz, Wylan, that was never a thing. Nikolai, maybe.

 **Kaz:** Just like kissing Kuwei wasn’t a thing?

 **Jesper:** You know about that?!

 **Kaz:** Please, I was there

 **Matthias:** How did Kaz manage to change this from a conversation about Kanej to a conversation about Kuwei and Jesper?

 **Inej:** Let's talk about how I'm Kaz's girlfriend now

 **Kaz:** Not you too...

 **Nina:** You two are so cute together~

 **Kaz:** Saints no you are not allowed to call me cute

 **Nikolai:** Cute little tiny crow

 **Kaz:** Shut up

 **Nikolai:** So small, so adorable

 **Kaz:** Oh my god no

 **Nikolai:** The Kitten of the Barrel

 **Kaz:** I am going to kill you

 **Nikolai:** Tiny little kitten is making cute, adorable death threats

 **Kaz** : ZOYA MAKE HIM STOP

 **Zoya:** You deserve this.

 **Wylan:** Finally someone other than me is being called cute

 **Jesper:** Hey Sunshine

 **Wylan:** Please no-

 **Jesper:** How is the most beautiful boy in the world doing?

 **Nikolai:** Quite well, you?

**Wylan: 😕**

**Jesper:** Nikolai, stay out of this.

_Kuwei (ImBack) has joined the chat._

**Kuwei:** I’m doing well, thank you

 **Wylan:** :(

 **Jesper:** Oh for Saints sake...

_Kuwei (ImBack) has been kicked from the chat._

**Kaz:** Alright, can we just all forget this happened and move on?

 **Inej:** Not a chance

**Kaz: 😕**

**Inej:** Don’t give me that look

**Kaz: ☹️**

**Inej:** No no no no

**Kaz: 😖**

**Inej:** Stop that

**Kaz: 🥺**

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has been kicked from the chat._


	21. “I don’t like waffles”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3! Genya, David, Nikolai, Nina and Matthias. I may do one with Tolya and Tamar sometime, after I finish the other requests

Genya _(QueenOfScars) has added Nikolai (HandsomePirate), David (π3.14159), Nina (Waffles4ever) and Matthias (WolfBoy13) to the chat._

 **Genya:** Hello!

 **Nina:** Genya!!

 **Genya:** Hiiiii

 **Nina:** I miss you!!

 **Genya:** Me toooooo

 **Nikolai:** Does anyone miss me?

 **David:** No.

 **Matthias:** No.

 **Nikolai:** :(

 **Nina:** Grow up, Lantsov

 **Nikolai:** Why does no one like me?

 **David:** Zoya likes you.

**Genya: 😂**

**Nina:** Why isn’t Zoya here?

 **Genya:** She’s busy arguing with Dirtyhands.

 **Nikolai:** I want a cool nickname too

 **Nina:** How about asshole?

 **Nikolai:** Alas, I was expecting something more...Nikolai-y

 **Matthias:** That sounds pretty Nikolai-y to me

 **Nikolai:** I feel like the whole world is turned against me

 **Nina:** You haven’t been pulled into one of Brekker’s schemes. I think things are going pretty well for you so far

 **Genya:** I can see Nikolai and Kaz teaming up, and basically either destroying the world or saving it

 **Nina:** Kaz would probably kill Nikolai for being annoying

 **Nikolai:** I swear if one more person calls me annoying-

 **Matthias:** You’re annoying

 **Nikolai:** And you’ve just been exiled from Ravka

 **Genya:** I don’t think you can do that

 **David:** Technically, it’s within his rights as king and sovereign to do just that. According to the Ravkan-

 **Nina:** We don’t need a whole explanation, Kostyk

 **David:** Fine. 

**Nina:** Have any of you had Kerch waffles?

 **Matthias:** Far too many times, thanks to you

 **Nikolai:** Nope

 **Genya:** No

 **David:** I don’t like waffles

 **Nina:** WHAT?!

 **Matthias:** David! She’s not going to shut up now!

 **David:** I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?

 **Nina:** HE DOESN’T LIKE WAFFLES! HOW?! THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER!!!

 **Nikolai:**...Alright then, she’s passionate about waffles

 **Nina:** WAFFLES ARE DELICIOUS! KOSTYK, YOU’RE CRAZY!

 **Matthias:** This may take a while... 

**Genya:** *sigh*

 **Nina:** THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN WAFFLES IS MATTHIAS! AND THAT’S A VERY CLOSE CONTEST THERE!

 **Nikolai:** Can you make her shut up?

 **Matthias:** I don’t think so, no.

 **Nikolai:** Alright then.

 **Nina:** WAFFLES ARE THE ONLY REASON I LIVE! THEY’RE AMAZING, AND YOU-

_Nina (Waffles4ever) has been kicked from the chat._


	22. Embarrass Matthias Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crows have fun trying to embarrass Matthias.  
> Requested by Lynn_Forster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I’ve been really busy lately :)  
> Thank you all for your support and kind words. It means so much to me ❤️

**Nina:** Who knows what day it is?

 **Jesper:** JESPER DAY!

 **Kaz:** Please no...

 **Inej:** It’s not Jesper day.

 **Kaz:** Phew

 **Jesper:** Awww...

 **Nina:** Any other guesses?

 **Wylan:** Library day?

 **Jesper:** WYLAN DAY!

 **Nina:** No! It’s Embarrass Matthias Day!

 **Matthias:** OH NO

 **Nina:** Oh yes

 **Kaz:** There better not be an ‘embarrass Kaz Brekker day’

 **Nina:** Oh, there is. That’s tomorrow

 **Kaz:** Well frick

 **Matthias:** Please don’t do this to me, Nina

 **Nina:** You did this to yourself when you ate the LAST WAFFLE!

 **Jesper:** Actually, that was me.

 **Inej:** Why would you say that...?

 **Nina:**...

 **Nina:** I’ll kill you after we embarrass Matthias

 **Jesper:** Okay!

 **Kaz:** Please do.

 **Nina:** So the goal of the game is to make Matthias quit the chat. Understand?

 **Matthias:** Not happening.

 **Nina:** Here we go!

 **Inej:** I feel like Nina is the only one with actual dirt on Tulip-Face

 **Kaz:** aHeM wHaT aBoUt Me

 **Inej:** You don't count

 **Nina:** Sooooo Matttyyyyy

 **Matthias:** Don’t do that

 **Nina:** I luuuuuvvvvv youuuuuu

 **Matthias:** Please stop.

 **Nina:** You're soooo handsommeeeeee

 **Jesper:** What about me?!

 **Nina:** You're alright too

 **Jesper:** Yay

 **Matthias:** I didn't even eat the waffle!!

 **Nina:** But you didn't kiss me goodnight like you always do!!!

 **Inej:** Awww

 **Wylan:** Awwwwwwwww

 **Kaz:** Gross

 **Matthias:** Shut up

 **Wylan:** Awwwwwwwwwwwww

 **Nina:** This is gonna be FUN

 **Matthias:** Kaz help me

 **Kaz:** Let me think about that.... no.

 **Jesper:** Hey Mattyyyyy

 **Matthias:** Oh my god no you’re not allowed to call me that-

 **Wylan:** Mattyyyyyyy

 **Jesper:** MATTTYYYYYY

 **Matthias:** SHUT UPPPP

 **Nina:** MATTTTTYYYYYY

 **Inej:** MATTTYYYYY

 **Matthias:** NO NOT YOU TOO INEJ

 **Kaz:** Hey Matty

 **Matthias:** -_-

_Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Matthias (WolfBoy13)’s name to MATTY._

**MATTY:** I hate all of you

 **Nina:** Even me?

 **MATTY:**...no

 **Nina:** I love you too

 **MATTY:** I didn’t say-

_Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed MATTY (WolfBoy13)’s name to Matty loves Nina._

**Matty loves Nina:** WYLAN!!!

 **Wylan:** 😁

 **Kaz:** This is entertaining

 **Nina:** You’re next, Kaz

 **Kaz:** You have nothing on me. N-o-t-h-i-n-g

 **Matty loves Nina:** How much longer is this day anyway?

 **Inej:** 23 hours and 27 minutes, Tulip

 **Matty loves Nina:**...

_Matty loves Nina (WolfBoy13) has rage-quit the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there will be an Embarrass Kaz Brekker Day


	23. Embarrass Kaz Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sequel to Embarrass Matthias Day! Title is pretty self-explanatory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Thank you for all your support! I can’t believe how many people are reading this! Honestly, I thought it was garbage, just something to do in my free time. Again, thank you.

**Nina:** Finally, the day has arrived!

 **Kaz:** What are you even talking about

 **Inej:** Did you forget already, Kaz?

 **Jesper:** IT’S EMBARRASS KAZ DAY!

 **Kaz:** Wait what I thought you guys were joking about that

 **Nina:** Nope!

 **Matthias:** This is payback.

 **Kaz:** You wish. You guys have NOTHING on me. 

**Nina:** Oh, or do we?

 **Kaz:**...........

 **Wylan:** Can we start?

 **Nina:** Yep!

 **Kaz:** This should be boring

 **Jesper:** Sooo Kazzzzyyyy

 **Kaz:** Don’t call me that

 **Jesper:** How are things going with Inej?

 **Inej:** Ohhhhh, so that’s how this is gonna go

 **Kaz:** I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jesper

 **Nina:** Do you luvvvvv her?

 **Kaz:** Ew no

 **Wylan:** Matthias says he saw you guys kissing

 **Kaz:**...

 **Inej:**...

 **Kaz:**...

 **Inej:**...

 **Kaz:** I’M GONNA KILL HIM

 **Matthias:** Go ahead

 **Jesper:** Anyway Kaz you said she was your girlfriend didn’t you?

 **Kaz:** I did not say that

 **Inej:** Well actually-

 **Kaz:** Would you stop fricking saying that?

 **Nina:** Are you cheating on her?

 **Kaz:** We are not a fricking thing!

 **Wylan:** Inej I think he’s cheating on you

 **Inej:** This is hilarious. Sorry, Kaz

 **Kaz:** Whatever. Can this game be over now?

 **Jesper:** No way

 **Nina:** We’re not done yet

 **Kaz:** Well hurry up

 **Wylan:** I saw Kaz write Inej’s name all over a piece of paper once

 **Kaz:** MERCHLING I SAID IF YOU TOLD ANYONE-

 **Inej:** Awww Kaz, are you standing up for me?

 **Kaz:** No, beautiful, I’m standing up for myself

 **Nina:** HE CALLED HER BEAUTIFUL!

 **Kaz:** What?! No I didn’t!!

 **Inej:** Well actually-

 **Kaz:** I swear if you say that one more time...

 **Jesper:** Face it Kaz you called her beautiful

 **Kaz:** DID NOT

_Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Inej (ItsyBitsySpider)’s name to *Beautiful*_

***Beautiful*:** Alrighty then

 **Kaz:**.-.

 **Wylan:** Wait, I know!

_Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Kaz Ghafa_

**Kaz Ghafa:** This is so wrong yet so right at the same time

 ***Beautiful*:** 😂

 **Kaz Ghafa:** Okay let’s go kill Wylan

_Kaz Ghafa (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz._

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has changed *Beautiful* (ItsyBitsySpider)’s name to Inej._

**Kaz:** Much better

 **Matthias:** Guys, this isn’t working very well. He’s not rage-quitting the chat like I did.

 **Kaz:** That’s because I am emotionless 

**Nina:** Inej, you should try to embarrass him

 **Inej:** Alright

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Inej:** Hey Kaz?

 **Kaz:** NO NO NO NO

 **Inej:** I love you

 **Kaz:**...

**Kaz:** _..........._

**Nina:** OMG GUYS HE’S BLUSHING

 **Kaz:** I AM NOT

 **Nina:** YES YOU ARE!!!

 **Wylan:** You totally are

 **Jesper:** Awwwwwwwwwww

 **Kaz:** SHUT UP I DO NOT BLUSH

 **Kaz:** I AM NOT A WYLAN

 **Wylan:** Hey!

 **Jesper:** You’re blushing, Kaz

 **Kaz:** I’M NOT!!!

 **Kaz:** HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

 **Wylan:** You don’t

 **Jesper:** Covering your face isn’t helping you any 😂

**Kaz: 🗡**

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has emotionlessly quit the chat._

**Jesper:** How did he get it to say that...?

 **Wylan:** He’s Kaz. He probably blackmailed the phone into lying for him

 **Inej:** Okay let’s go bother him some more


	24. Grocery Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz goes grocery shopping for everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by a_nonnie_mouse  
> Not sure if it’s exactly what you wanted, but I got inspired and this is what happened XD

**Nina:** Kaz can you go grocery shopping?

 **Kaz:** Um no

 **Nina:** Come on!

 **Jesper:** We’re all too comfortable to get up

 **Wylan:** And I want more Doritos

 **Kaz:** You don’t need fricking Doritos, Wylan

 **Wylan:** Yes I do

 **Matthias:** Just go get Wylan his Doritos

 **Kaz:** If I can go days without eating or sleeping, Wylan can go 5 minutes without Doritos

 **Inej:** Kazzzz

 **Kaz:** What?

 **Inej:** I want Doritos too

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** Oh _fine_

-later-

 **Kaz:** Okay I’m at the grocery store. What do you guys want anyway?

 **Nina:** Get some Eggo’s! 

**Kaz:** Do we really need Eggo’s?

 **Nina:** OF COURSE WE DO

 **Kaz:** What kind do you even want

 **Nina:** BLUEBERRY

 **Kaz:** I can’t find the Eggo’s aisle

 **Matthias:** There is no Eggo’s aisle, idiot

 **Kaz:** There where are the flippin Eggo’s?

 **Kaz:** Oh. Found them.

 **Kaz:** Alright. Nina, what else do you want?

 **Nina:** Get some maple syrup!

 **Kaz:** Really?

 **Nina:** YES

 **Kaz:** Nina this thing is 15 kruge for a tiny bottle

 **Nina:** BUY IT

 **Kaz:** No

 **Nina:** COME ON KAZ JUST BUY IT

 **Kaz:** I’m gonna be broke like Jesper

 **Jesper:** Hey!

 **Inej:** Nina, can you go without maple syrup for once?

 **Nina:**...

 **Nina:** Fine. But I want ice cream

 **Kaz:** I’m not buying ice cream

 **Nina:** Yes you are

 **Kaz:** No I’m not

 **Nina:** Inejjjjj

 **Inej:** Kaz, get Nina some ice cream

 **Kaz:** No

 **Kaz:** Maybe if she wanted to buy an actual meal...

 **Nina:** I WANT ICE CREAM

 **Kaz:** GO TO THE DAIRY BAR AND BUY SOME THEN

 **Nina:** I’M BROKE

 **Kaz:** OF COURSE YOU ARE! YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY ON ICE CREAM!

 **Nina:**...

 **Nina:** Fair point

 **Kaz:** 🙄 Wylan, Inej, what kind of Doritos do you guys want?

 **Wylan:** Cool Ranch!

 **Inej:** One, ew. Two, I want the nacho cheese ones

 **Kaz:** I’m only buying one bag so make up your minds

 **Wylan:** GET THE COOL RANCH ONES

 **Inej:** DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, HE’S CRAZY

 **Wylan:** I WANT MY COOL RANCH DORITOS

 **Inej:** KAZ YOU LOVE ME GET THE NACHO CHEESE ONES

 **Kaz:** Okay no Doritos for either of you

 **Inej:** NOOOOOOO

 **Wylan:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Kaz:** Fine I’ll buy you your stupid Doritos, just stop that screeching

 **Inej:** Yay!

 **Wylan:** DORITOS!!!

 **Kaz:** Okay, can we actually buy some real food now?

 **Jesper:** Get hotdogs

 **Kaz:** Not really what I had in mind

 **Jesper:** Get hotdogs anyway

 **Kaz:** Why am I even here

 **Kaz:** I could be happily counting my kruge

 **Kaz:** But noooo, I have to go grocery shopping for a bunch of spoiled teenagers

 **Jesper:** Still waiting on those hotdogs

 **Kaz:** Still waiting for you to shut up

**Jesper:** _hotdogs, hotdogs, hotdogs,_

**Inej:** _hotdogs! hotdogs! hotdogs!_

**Wylan:** _Hotdogs! Hotdogs! Hotdogs!_

**Nina:** _HOTDOGS! HOTDOGS! HOTDOGS!_

**Matthias:** I prefer sausages

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Kaz:** I’M NOT GETTING FRICKING HOTDOGS, AND I’M NOT GETTING SAUSAGES

 **Jesper:** Hotdogs... I’ll miss you...

 **Kaz:**.-.

 **Kaz:** One package

 **Kaz:** That’s it

 **Jesper:** YESSSSS HOTDOGS!

 **Kaz:** Any-saintsforsaken-thing else?

 **Matthias:** Apples

 **Kaz:** Finally something sensible-

 **Matthias:** The ones that are orange

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Those are oranges

 **Matthias:** Yeah whatever buy some of those

 **Kaz:** I swear I live with the biggest bunch of idiots on earth

 **Matthias:** So about those oranges

 **Kaz:** They’re in the cart, Helvar.

 **Matthias:** Good

 **Kaz:** Does anyone else want anything?

 **Jesper:** Can you get juice

 **Kaz:** Fine

 **Jesper:** Wow that was easy

 **Inej:** Are you buying anything for yourself, Kaz?

 **Kaz:** Let’s see... of course 90% of the stuff in here is for me and you guys don’t get any of it

 **Wylan:** That’s not fair!

 **Kaz:** Of course it is

 **Kaz:** I’m on my way home anyway so ha

 **Inej:** Did you even pay for any of it...?

 **Kaz:** Of course not

-a while later-

 **Jesper:**...

 **Jesper:** Kaz this ain’t juice this is a bottle of water

 **Kaz:** No actually that’s poison

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** WYLAN, KAZ IS TRYING TO KILL ME


	25. Directions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has issues getting to the waffle restaurant, and Kaz is either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo  
> New chapter  
> Yay  
> I did it  
> I actually finished something  
> Good for me  
> Sorry bout the wait

**Kaz:** Where are you guys and why is it taking so long for you to get to the waffle restaurant?

 **Inej:** Almost there

 **Jesper:**...we're lost

 **Wylan:** Yeah...

 **Nina:** Me and Matthias are lost too

 **Kaz:** Seriously?

 **Inej:** Oh frick

 **Kaz:** What now??

 **Inej:** Where even am I...

 **Kaz:** You’re lost too??

 **Inej:** No!

 **Inej:** Okay fine yes

 **Jesper:** Kaz, can you give us directions?

 **Kaz:** Don’t you have a GPS?

 **Wylan:** It died

 **Nina:** I don’t have one

 **Inej:** Me neither

 **Kaz:** Alright, fine. Let’s start with Jes and Wylan. Where are you guys??

 **Jesper:** Ummm

 **Wylan:** I think we’re near a school

 **Kaz:** What school?

 **Wylan:** I don’t know, I can’t read, idiot

 **Jesper:** Lantsov Intermediate School

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** Wait how did you even get there? That’s on the other side of town!

 **Wylan:** Well Jesper got pulled over by the police for ‘hazardous driving’. Then they chased us for a solid half-hour. 

**Jesper:** It was not hazardous! It was just a bit fast!!

 **Wylan:** We almost died

**Kaz:**

**Matthias:** Remind me never to get in a car with Jesper

 **Kaz:** Alright so... you’re on Aleksander Street?

 **Jesper:** Which one is that?

 **Kaz:** Let’s say you’e on flippin Aleksander Street

 **Wylan:** The sign says Almond Sauce Steer

 **Jesper:** Wylan, no

 **Wylan:** Can you even steer almond sauce?

 **Jesper:** Okay, whatever, we’re going onto Aleksander Street

 **Kaz:** Now keep going until you reach Crow Avenue

 **Jesper:** But which way do I turn?

 **Kaz:** Left

 **Jesper:** Which side is left??

 **Kaz:** THE LEFT SIDE

 **Jesper:** NOT HELPFUL

 **Kaz:** DO THE FLIPPIN THING WITH YOUR HANDS WHERE YOU MAKE THE LETTER L

 **Jesper:** THEY BOTH MAKE AN L

 **Kaz:** ONE IS BACKWARDS, ISN’T IT?

 **Jesper:** YES

 **Kaz:** DON’T TURN THAT WAY

 **Jesper:** You could have just said that-

 **Jesper:** Oops

 **Kaz:** What?

 **Wylan:** Jesper just ran into a stop sign

 **Wylan:** Someone come save me before he kills us both

 **Inej:** Jesper, stop driving like you’re drunk

 **Jesper:** I very well might be

**Inej:**

**Inej:** Kaz, get Wylan out of there

 **Kaz:** I can see them from where I’m standing. They’re fine.

 **Jesper:**...

 **Jesper:** Frick

 **Jesper:** Oh frick

 **Jesper:** Ohhhhh frick

 **Nina:** What’s wrong?

 **Jesper:** I almost ran over Kaz

 **Kaz:** You’re lucky I have impeccable reflexes

 **Kaz:** Okay time for you to die

 **Wylan:** HELP, KAZ IS STARING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND IT’S CREEPY

 **Inej:** Kaz stop being scary

 **Kaz:** No

 **Matthias:** Oh wow that is creepy

 **Nina:**...oh no

 **Inej:** Wait what

 **Nina:** Matthias almost ran Kaz over too

 **Nina:** He’s now staring at us

 **Kaz:** I am going to cut all of your fingers off

 **Kaz:** Except for Inej’s because she’s better than you guys

 **Inej:** Yay me :D

 **Jesper:** I think that’s biased-

 **Inej:** OH MY GOD KAZ I’M SO SORRY

**Kaz:**

**Inej:** FRICK KAZ ARE YOU OKAY?

**Kaz:**

**Jesper:** Hahaha Inej almost ran over Kaz too

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I am going to murder all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.I.P. Kaz


	26. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaz falls asleep on Inej and everyone wants waffles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saints, it’s been ages since I updated this...  
> But here you go :D

**Jesper:** ROAD TRIP!!!

 **Kaz:** Okay so who’s going with who? Because we’ve got two cars and six of us. 

**Nina:** Well we’re not letting Jesper drive, because he drives like he’s trying to get us killed

 **Jesper:** :(

 **Inej:** And there’s no way Kaz is driving.

 **Kaz:** Why not?

 **Inej:** Because you also drive like you’re trying to get us all killed!

 **Kaz:** I do not

 **Wylan:** Yes you do.

 **Jesper:** And Inej is too short to see over the steering wheel

 **Inej:** That’s not true-

 **Jesper:** Then go sit in the car and prove it.

**Inej:**

**Inej:** I’m good

 **Nina:** And Wylan looks too young to drive, plus he can’t read the street signs.

 **Wylan:** Hey!

 **Nina:** It’s true! You look like you’re thirteen!

 **Matthias:** Well I think Nina and I should drive then.

 **Kaz:** Fine. I’m going with Nina though

 **Matthias:**...thanks

 **Jesper:** SHOTGUN FOR NINA’S CAR!

 **Matthias:** Hey!

 **Wylan:** I want to go with Jesper and Nina too

 **Matthias:**...

 **Matthias:** Inej?

 **Inej:** Sorry, Matthias. 

**Inej:** I’m taking the middle seat of Nina’s car!

 **Matthias:** Fine. I’ll drive alone.

 **Matthias:** I don’t need you guys

 **Nina:** Awwww sorry, Matty

 **Matthias:** Don’t call me that

 **Kaz:** WAIT

 **Kaz:** Wait wait wait

 **Kaz:** I have to sit in the back

 **Kaz:** With other people

 **Kaz:** Next to me?!

 **Jesper:** More specifically, with Inej next to you

 **Nina:** OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Fair enough, let’s go.

 **Nina:** Yay! Road trip!

_-time skip-_

**Inej:** At least we put the three smallest people in the back so there’s more room

 **Wylan:** You just insulted everyone in the car

 **Inej:** Whatever

 **Inej:** Also going with Nina is way more fun than going with Matthias just saying

 **Jesper:** Yes this is true

 **Jesper:** I doubt I’d fit in the back, anyway. I’d have to like bend down or something

 **Inej:** Yes, yes, you’re very tall and I’m short, but guess who brought a knife with them? I could cut off a part of your legs so you can see how it feels

**Wylan:**

**Jesper:**

**Wylan:** I did not need to know that-

 **Inej:** Seriously why aren’t we just talking anyway? We’re all right next to each other

 **Jesper:** Well Kaz’s phone died so he can’t see our texts

**Inej:**

**Inej:** Oh.

- _time skip-_

 **Wylan:** Why did we stop?

 **Jesper:** Nina is getting waffles

 **Inej:** Really?

 **Jesper:** Yes

**Inej: ...**

**Wylan:** Is she getting us waffles?

 **Jesper:** No

 **Inej:** She’s taking forever

**Jesper** **:**

**Jesper:** Did she seriously get Matthias waffles but not Jesper waffles?

 **Wylan:** The way you said that sounds like there are waffles shaped like you and Matthias

 **Inej:** XD yeah

 **Jesper:** There should be waffles shaped like me.

_-time skip-_

**Wylan:** OMG

 **Jesper:** WHAT?

 **Inej:** Wylan DON’T YOU DARE

 **Wylan:** Kaz fell asleep on Inej!!!

 **Jesper:** REALLY?

 **Inej:** NO NOT REALLY

 **Jesper:** WHOA-

 **Jesper:** He looks actually somewhat happy when he sleeps

 **Jesper:** It’s kind of creepy

 **Wylan:** Awwwwwww

 **Inej:** Shut up!

 **Nina:** AWWWWWWWW

 **Jesper:** AWWWWWWWW

 **Inej:** I still have that knife

 **Wylan:** You can’t use it with Kaz asleep on your lap

 **Wylan:** AWWWWWWWW

 **Jesper:** Man, I bet Matthias’ phone is going crazy

 **Inej:** I’m going to kill you-

 **Matthias:** What is going on? I’m at the campsite and you guys aren’t there!

 **Jesper:** Scroll through the texts, Matthias

 **Wylan:** Also we’re not there yet because Nina drives slow

 **Inej:** And she stopped for waffles

**Matthias:**

**Matthias:** So is Kaz actually laying on Inej

 **Jesper:** YES

 **Inej:** NO

 **Wylan:** SHE MEANS YES

**Matthias:**

**Matthias:** Inej

 **Matthias:** Treasure this moment

 **Matthias:** Because Kaz sure as hell isn’t gonna let it happen again

 **Inej:** Shut up

 **Matthias:** And I have one more question

 **Matthias:** Where are the Matthias-shaped waffles?

_-3 days later-_

**Kaz:** F*ck you all.


	27. 3 AM Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jesper gets Inej drunk and Kaz finds out
> 
> “No, you has FRECKLE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy I got another chapter out  
> Good for me

_-3 am-_

**Inej:** Guyyyyyyyyyyyssss

 **Jesper:** No no no you’re supposed to be ASLEEP-

 **Inej:** BUT KAZ IS GONE AND I’M LONELYYYYYY!!! I MISSS HIMMMMMM

 **Nina:** What the heck-

 **Jesper:** NOTHING’S WRONG EVERYTHING IS FINE GO BACK TO BED

 **Kaz:** Jesper. What did you do.

 **Wylan:** Hahaha

 **Jesper:** I did nothing I swear!

 **Inej:** KAAAAAAAAZZZZZ WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO WEIRD

 **Kaz:** JESPER

 **Kaz:** WHAT DID YOU DO TO INEJ

 **Nina:** Oh boy Jesper you’re in trouble 

**Inej:** JeSpEr Is In TrOuBlE! KaZ iS gOiNg To KiLl HiM

 **Jesper:** Not helping, Wraith...

 **Inej:** 🙃

 **Kaz:** Jesper

 **Kaz:** Explain. Now.

 **Jesper:** So I may or may not have accidentally but sorta on purpose tricked Inej into getting drunk because I thought it would be funny

 **Matthias:** Kaz is going to kill you.

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** You’re lucky I’m on the other side of Ketterdam right now 

**Kaz:** When I get back, you’ll be sorry

 **Jesper:** Oh no.

 **Wylan:** Hey Inej, do you like Kaz?

 **Kaz:** MERCHLING, NO-

 **Inej:** Yeeeeeeessss Kaz is soooooooo handsoomeeeeeee

 **Kaz:**...

 **Jesper:** What about Jesper?

 **Inej:** He’s not as great as Kazzzzzzzzz

 **Nina:** Hahahahaha

**Jesper: 😞**

**Matthias:** You guys do realize you’re only digging yourselves deeper into your grave? 

**Matthias:** Kaz isn’t going to blame Inej for this.

 **Matthias:** He’s gonna blame all of you.

 **Matthias:** Mostly Jesper and Nina.

 **Nina:** We’re all gonna die anyway, Matthias

 **Jesper:** Might as well enjoy it

 **Wylan:** :)

 **Inej:** EVERYONE IS GONNA DIEEEEE

 **Inej:** AND KAZ IS GONNA BE SAAAADDDDD

 **Inej:** HE LOVES YOU GUYSSSSS

 **Kaz:** WRAITH-

 **Inej:** BUT NOT AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ME SO TAKE THAT

 **Kaz:** SHE’S LYING ABOUT ALL OF THAT

**Jesper: 😂**

**Matthias:** I don’t want him to love me

 **Matthias:** I have this picture in my head of him hugging me and it’s very wrong

 **Matthias:** I can never erase that

 **Matthias:** Please help-

 **Kaz:** Oh my god no

 **Nina:** I would pay to see that

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**....how much would you pay

 **Matthias:** NO

 **Inej:** KAZ LOVES HIS MONEY TOOOOO

 **Nina:** Ah I probably don’t have enough for him to do it

 **Jesper:** I’d help but I’m in debt

 **Wylan:** And I don’t want to be the reason Matthias gets hugged because he’d probably throw me off a glacier

 **Matthias:** Thank the saints

 **Inej:** Awwww MATTHIAS LOVES HUGS, DON’T YOU, MATTHIAS?

 **Matthias:** NO, I DON’T.

 **Jesper:** HEY INEJ, WHAT DO KAZ’S HANDS FEEL LIKE?

 **Kaz:** NO—

 **Inej:** THEY’RE REALLY SOFT

 **Inej:** AND WARM

 **Inej:** AND ONE OF HIS FINGERS HAS ONE TINY LITTLE FRECKLE ON IT

 **Kaz:** THAT’S NOT TRUE

 **Kaz:** I DON’T HAVE FRECKLES

 **Inej:** No you has FRECKLE

 **Inej:** ONE

 **Inej:** ON YOUR FINGER

 **Jesper:** Omg I wanna see that

 **Kaz:** I’m sure you’ll get a great view when I strangle you

 **Wylan:** Please don’t

 **Nina:** We need Jesper for fun like this

 **Inej:** FUNNNNNNN

 **Matthias:** Entertainment

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I’m going back to bed...

2 hours later-

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Mr. Brekker

 **Inej:** KAZ

 **Inej:** Dirtyhands

 **Inej:** KAZ THE FRECKLE

 **Inej:** ANSWER MEEEEE

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** Kaz

 **Inej:** KAZZZZZ

 **Inej:** Handsome-face

 **Inej:** BREKKER

 **Inej:** BREKKER-RIETVELD

 **Inej:** BREKKER-GHAFA

 **Inej:** KAZ GHAFA ANSWER ME

 **Inej:** KAZ GHAFA-BREKKER-RIETVELD

 **Inej:** KAZ FAHEY

 **Kaz:** NO

_Kaz (ThiryMillionKruge) has deleted the chat group._


	28. Colm Has Arrived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Colm joins the chat and becomes very confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me getting multiple chapters out in a week.  
> Yes I know I should be working on my other fix but I’m lazy and this requires a lot less effort sooooo  
> Tadaaaa

**Jesper:** Okay guys, so my dad wants to be able to text us

 **Kaz:** No

 **Jesper:** But he doesn’t know how to use a phone real well

 **Kaz** : No

 **Jesper:** So we’re gonna have to help him out, okay?

 **Kaz:** No

 **Inej:** Kaz means yes. Of course we’ll help.

 **Matthias:** He’s going to think you’re all crazy

 **Nina** : Matthias, you’re one of us

 **Nina:** He’s going to think you’re crazy too

 **Matthias:** But I’m the only _sensible_ one here

 **Inej** : Excuse me

 **Wylan:** You no longer qualify as sensible after last night, Inej

 **Kaz:** We agreed never to speak of that again

 **Matthias:** Are we also going to ignore the fact that you told Jesper it was an honest mistake and that you overreacted

 **Kaz:** That was sarcasm

 **Jesper:** Yeah, he punched me at least twice afterwards.

**Matthias:**

**Matthias:** Oh.

 **Jesper:** Alright, I’m going to get Da on here

_Colm (SaveTheFarm) has been blocked from joining the chat._

**Jesper:** KAZ!

 **Kaz:** I’m the supervisor for all of your accounts, as well as this chat room.

 **Kaz:** I choose who comes in and who stays out

 **Nina:** So THAT’S why my username was changed to “NinaTheAnnoying” when I woke up

 **Nina:** Phew, I thought it was a ghost or something

 **Jesper:** What’s the password?

 **Kaz:** Not telling you

 **Jesper:** It didn’t work

 **Kaz:** That’s not the actual password you idiot-

 **Inej:** The password is CntWait4U2Di

 **Kaz:** INEJ!

_Colm (SaveTheFarm) has joined the chat._

**Colm:** Hello!

 **Kaz:** Uuuuuuugh thanks a lot Inej

**Inej: 🙂**

**Nina:** Hello, Jesper’s dad!

 **Colm:** Hello, Nina.

 **Jesper:** So Da, you remember how to check your texts?

 **Colm:**...

 **Colm:** You can do that?

 **Wylan:** Wow, he really _is_ bad at this

 **Jesper:** WYLAN VAN SUNSHINE, SHUT YOUR MOUTH

 **Wylan:** :)

 **Colm:** Be nice to your boyfriend, Jesper. You wouldn’t want him to dump you.

 **Inej:** OoOoOoOoOoO

 **Nina:** OOOOOOOOOOOOooOooOoOOOoOoO

 **Kaz:** O. O. O. O. O.

 **Inej:** Kaz no, we had this discussion already

 **Matthias:** It hasn’t even been five minuets and Colm probably thinks you’re all insane

 **Wylan:** I can play five minuets if you want

**Matthias:**

**Matthias:** I meant MINUTES-

 **Colm:** So I just click on the text bubble, and I can see what everyone is saying to me?

 **Nina:** Pretty much, yep.

 **Colm:** But what happens if it’s dark outside? How will I see the texts?

 **Kaz:** Oh for all the f*cking saints sake...

 **Jesper:** KAZ

 **Jesper:** NO SWEARING AROUND DA

 **Kaz:** Try and stop me

**Kaz: ******

**Kaz:** WYLAN

 **Wylan:** You’ve lost your swearing privileges.

**Inej: 😂**

**Nina:** But wait, I thought Kaz controlled everything 

**Wylan:** Kuwei taught me how to hack

 **Nina:** Ahh

 **Kaz:** I don’t know where that insane Shu boy learned to hack so well-

 **Colm:** Excuse me, but what’s going on?

 **Colm:** You people type so quickly, it’s hard to keep up

 **Matthias:** Welcome to having large fingers

 **Inej:** Sucks to be you

 **Jesper:** Matthias NO, Da does not have large fingers!!!

 **Kaz:** Then he’s just old

 **Jesper:** NO

 **Kaz:** yEs

 **Jesper:** nO

 **Kaz:** AfFiRmAtIvE

 **Jesper:** nOnOnOnO

 **Kaz:** He has wrinkles. He’s old.

 **Jesper:** YOU HAVE WRINKLES TOO

 **Jesper:** FROM SCOWLING SO MUCH

 **Kaz:** I DO NOT-

 **Colm:** What are they arguing about?

 **Matthias:** You.

 **Colm:** Huh.

 **Matthias:** Welcome to my life.

 **Nina:** :O WE SHOULD BUY COLM SOME WAFFLES

 **Wylan** **:** Yay!

 **Jesper:** Guys, no

 **Jesper:** Waffle nights always end badly

 **Inej:** Haha Kaz is now trying to find a mirror to check if he actually has wrinkles

 **Nina:** Does he?

 **Inej:** Of course not, but it’s fun to make him paranoid

 **Colm:**...

 **Colm:** I am so lost

 **Matthias:** Just ignore them.

 **Matthias:** It makes everything much, much easier.

 **Kaz:** Goodbye, Idiotic Waffle

 **Kaz:** Goodbye, naïve merchling idiot

 **Kaz:** Goodbye, drüskelle idiot

 **Kaz:** Goodbye, Llewellyn the idiot

 **Kaz:** Goodbye, Inej

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has left the chat._

**Jesper:** Anyone else think that seemed a bit biased


	29. Texting Karaoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally karaoke but Kaz and Matthias hate it  
> Someone may or may not get shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what this is-  
> It’s something  
> I got inspired and this is the result 😂  
> The songs in order, just for reference:  
> The Duck Song  
> You’ll Be Back  
> Into the Unknown  
> The Ten Duel Commandments

**Nina:** Who knows what it’s time for?!

 **Jesper:** :O is it finally time?

 **Kaz:** NOOOOO

 **Kaz:** NO I WON’T LET YOU GUYS DO IT

 **Nina:** Jes? Inej?

 **Inej:** YESSSSS

 **Jesper:** YAYYYYY

 **Wylan:** What’s going on...?

 **Matthias:** Oh no

 **Matthias:** It’s texting karaoke night

 **Nina:** TEXTING KARAOKE NIGHT!!!

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Wylan:** Ooh

 **Wylan:** That sounds fun

 **Jesper:** It’s AWESOME

 **Kaz:** IT’S HORRIBLE

 **Nina:** Who’s gonna start?

 **Inej:** We have to start this like we always do. Jesper?

 **Jesper:** Yes I shall do the honours

 **Jesper:** 🎶Well a duck walked up to a lemonade stand🎶

 **Matthias:** NOOOOOOOOO

 **Matthias:** WHAT KIND OF DUCK WANTS LEMONADE

 **Nina: 🎶** And he said to the man runnin’ the stand🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Hey! Got any grapes?🎶

 **Kaz:** WHAT KIND OF DUCK WANTS GRAPES?!

 **Jesper:** 🎶And the man said “No, we just sell lemonade. But it’s cold, and it’s fresh, and it’s all homemade. Can I get you a glass?”🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶The duck said, “I’ll pass.”🎶

 **Inej:** Yeah Wylan!

 **Matthias:** NOOOO WHY, WYLAN?

 **Kaz:** The merchling has betrayed us.

 **Nina:** 🎶Then he waddled away, waddle waddle. Then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle🎶

 **Kaz:** Stupidest song ever

 **Inej:** 🎶Then he waddled away, waddle waddle. Till the very next day🎶

 **Matthias:** Thank Djel it’s over

 **Jesper: 🎶** You sayyyyyyyyyyy🎶

 **Kaz:** NO NOT HAMILTON

 **Matthias:** UGH NO

 **Wylan:** 🎶The price of my love’s not a price that you’re willing to paaaayyyyyy🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶You cryyyyyy🎶

 **Inej: 🎶** In your tea which you hurl by the sea as you see me go byyyyyy🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Why so saaaaaad?🎶

 **Matthias:** Maybe because you’re singing this song

 **Kaz:** It is kinda catchy...

 **Wylan: 🎶** Remember we made an arrangement when you went awayyyyyy🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Now you’re making me maaaaaaaaad🎶

 **Matthias:** You’re making _me_ mad

 **Inej: 🎶** Remember, despite our estrangement, I’m your man🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶YOU’LL BE BACK🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶SOON YOU’LL SEE🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶YOU’LL REMEMBER YOU BELONG TO MEEEEE🎶

 **Kaz:** Oh no...

 **Inej:** 🎶YOU’LL BE BACK🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶TIME WILL TELL🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT I SERVED YOU WELL🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶OCEANS RIIIIIIIIISE🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶EMPIRES FAAAAAAALLLLL🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER THROUGH IT ALL🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶And when push comes to shove🎶

 **Kaz:** 🎶I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love🎶

 **Inej:** WHOOO KAZ!

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** Did I sing?

 **Kaz:** NOOOOOO

 **Matthias:** NOOOOOOOO

 **Nina:** YESSSS HAHA

 **Matthias:** Is it over?

 **Jesper:** 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Matthias:** NO.

 **Nina:** 🎶I can hear you, but I won’t🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Some look for trouble, while others don’t🎶

 **Kaz:** NO ANYTHING BUT FROZEN

 **Nina:** 🎶There’s a thousand reasons I should go about my day🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶O-oh🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Kaz:** Shut up, shut up

 **Wylan:** 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶You’re not a voice, you’re just a ringing in my ear🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶And if I heard you—which I don’t—I’m spoken for, I fear🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls🎶

 **Matthias:** You think we can stop them before they get to the chorus?

 **Kaz:** Unlikely.

 **Nina:** 🎶I’m sorry secret siren, but I’m blocking out your calls🎶

 **Kaz:** I’m trying to block out your singing

 **Kaz:** It’s not working

 **Inej:** 🎶I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow youuuuu🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶INTO THE UNKNOOOOOOOOOWN🎶

 **Matthias:** Uuuuuuuugh hate this song

 **Jespe** **r:** 🎶INTO THE UNKNOOO-OOOOWN🎶

 **Wylan: 🎶** Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Nina: 🎶** INTO THE UNKNOOOOOO-OOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OWN🎶

 **Inej: 🎶** Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

 **Jesper:** Woo! That was fun

 **Wylan:** Nice Ooooo-ing, Nina

 **Nina:** Thank you :)

 **Inej:** It’s not over yet :D

 **Nina:** Let’s do more Hamilton

 **Kaz:** Nooooo

 **Jesper:** You might like this one, Kaz. It’s about duels

 **Inej:** Yessss!

 **Kaz:**...fine

 **Kaz:** But I’m not singing

 **Nina:** 🎶One🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Two🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Three🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Four🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Five🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Six🎶

 **Jesper: 🎶** Seven🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Eight🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Nine🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶It’s the Ten Duel Commandments🎶

 **Kaz:** This sounds interesting

 **Matthias:** No it doesn’t

 **Jesper: 🎶** NUMBER ONE🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶The challenge, demand satisfaction🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶If they apologize, no need for further action🎶

 **Kaz:** If they apologize, kill them anyway

 **Matthias:** No-

 **Inej:** 🎶NUMBER TWO🎶

 **Jesper: 🎶** If they don’t, grab a friend, that’s your second🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Your lieutenant when there's reckoning to be reckoned🎶

 **Kaz:** Bold of you to assume I have friends

 **Mathias:** You just insulted all four of them

 **Kaz:** I know.

 **Nina: 🎶** NUMBER THREE🎶

 **Inej: 🎶** Have your seconds meet face to face🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Negotiate a peace, or negotiate a time and place🎶

 **Wylan: 🎶** This is commonplace, 'specially 'tween recruits🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Most disputes die and no one shoots🎶

 **Kaz:** Matthias, 5 minutes from now

 **Matthias:** What-

 **Wylan:** 🎶NUMBER FOUR🎶

 **Nina: 🎶** If they don't reach a peace, that's alright🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Time to get some pistols and a doctor on sight🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶You pay him in advance, you treat him with civility🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶You have him turn around so he can have deniability🎶

 **Kaz:** Okay, we’ve got Nina, Jesper has pistols

 **Kaz:** Jesper give me your guns

 **Kaz:** Nina here’s 5$, turn around

 **Matthias:** Kaz what are you doing-

 **Matthias:** Someone help me-

 **Jesper: 🎶** FIVE🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Duel before the sun is in the sky🎶

 **Nina: 🎶** Pick a place to die where it’s high and dry🎶

 **Kaz:** Eh we can skip that one. Here looks good.

 **Matthias:** KAZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

 **Inej:** 🎶NUMBER SIX🎶

 **Jesper: 🎶** Leave a note for your next of kin🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Tell them where you been, pray that hell or heaven lets you in🎶

 **Kaz:** Dear Inej, I’m dead. Matthias shot me. Have a nice day. -Kaz

 **Matthias:** WHAT-

 **Nina: 🎶** SEVEN🎶

 **Inej: 🎶** Confess your sins🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Ready for the moment of adrenaline when you finally face your opponent🎶

 **Kaz:** Let’s skip that, my list is too long

 **Matthias:** HELP ME

_-in separate chat-_

**Kaz:** Just play along

 **Kaz:** We can maybe get them to stop if they think I’ve shot you

 **Matthias** : This can’t end well

 **Kaz:** Of course it can

 **Matthias:** Promise you won’t actually shoot me?

 **Kaz:** Have you no faith in me?

 **Matthias:** Answer me.

 **Kaz:** Neither gun is loaded. You’re going to be fine. Just fake being shot.

 **Matthias:** Why do I listen to you...

_-main chat-_

**Wylan:** 🎶NUMBER EIGHT🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Your last chance to negotiate🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Send in your seconds🎶

 **Inej: 🎶** See if they can set the record straight🎶

 **Wylan: 🎶** ALEXANDER🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Aaron Burr, sir🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Sure. But your man has to answer for his words, BURR🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶With his life? We both know that’s absurd, sir🎶

 **Jesper: 🎶** Hang on, how many men died because Lee was inexperienced and ruinous?🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Oh, okay, SO WE’RE DOIN THIS🎶

 **Kaz:** 🎶This, this is hilarious🎶

 **Inej:** Kaz no

 **Inej: 🎶** NUMBER NINE🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Look 'em in the eye, aim no higher🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Summon all the courage you require🎶

 **Wylan: 🎶** Then count🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶One🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Two🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶Three🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Four🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Five🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶Six🎶

 **Jesper: 🎶** Seven🎶

 **Wylan:** 🎶Eight🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶Nine🎶

 **Inej:** 🎶NUMBER🎶

 **Jesper:** 🎶TEN🎶

 **Nina:** 🎶PACES🎶

 **Kaz:** 🎶Fire.🎶

 **Jesper:** MATTHIAS?!

 **Inej:** OMG KAZ

 **Nina:** KAZ NO NO NO WHAT DID YOU DO

 **Wylan:** KAZ YOU SHOT MATTHIAS

 **Kaz:** Isn’t that the point of this...?

 **Jesper:** NO!!!

 **Kaz:** Huh.

 **Kaz:** Oops.

 **Inej:** No! Not oops! YOU IDIOT-

 **Matthias:** Did it work?

 **Kaz:** Yep.

 **Matthias:** Really?

 **Kaz:** I don’t see or hear singing

 **Matthias:** Sweet

 **Nina:**...

 **Nina:** Really, guys?

 **Inej:** We were worried!

 **Kaz:** That was fun

 **Kaz:** Time to leave before we get ripped at by Inej

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has left the chat._

_Matthias (WolfBoy13) has left the chat._


	30. “Suppose I died.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you will have...  
> -Kaz theoretically dying  
> -Inej and Wylan arguing  
> -Kuwei is back to say one thing  
> -And flaming toast  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me  
> I did it  
> I updated  
> I know I should update my other fic but I’m such a lazy person that I’m not going to  
> Plus school started so I’m there for most of the day  
> Anyway hope you guys like it

**Kaz:** I’ve got a question for you guys

 **Inej:** Okay

 **Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Wylan:** That’s not a question

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I’m not done yet 

**Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Nina:** Yeah you said that already

 **Kaz:** I’M TYPING, BE PATIENT

 **Nina:** Waiiiiiiting

 **Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Jesper:** Are you going somewhere with this or...

 **Kaz:** YES SO SHUT UP

 **Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Inej:** Seriously Kaz, you don’t have to keep repeating the ‘suppose I died’ part every flippin’ time 

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** So I’m dead

 **Wylan:** WAIT YOU’RE A GHOST??

 **Wylan:** That explains so much...

 **Kaz:** No, Wylan, I wasn’t serious, this is theoretical.

 **Jesper:** I don’t know, Kaz, you look pretty dead to me

 **Kaz:** SO I’M THEORETICALLY DEAD

 **Inej:** Okay, and?

 **Kaz:** Aren’t you sad?

 **Jesper:** Nah

 **Matthias:** Thank Djel it’s over 

**Nina:** No

 **Inej:** Not really

 **Kaz:** Wylan

 **Wylan:** Please don’t make me answer this

 **Kaz:** Wylan

 **Wylan:** I’m afraid Kaz will kill me if I tell him

 **Kaz:** Wylan

 **Wylan:** But at the same time, I’m also afraid he’ll kill me if I lie to him

 **Kaz:** Wylan

 **Wylan:** Kaz

 **Kaz:** Wylan

 **Wylan:** I’m sorry

 **Kaz:** Wylan...

 **Wylan:** GUYS LET’S HAVE A PARTY! WE CAN FINALLY STOP ALMOST DYING ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF KAZ’S USELESS PLANS

 **Kaz:** WYLAN

**Inej: 😂😂**

**Kaz:** Fine, so I’m dead. 

**Jesper:** Yeah, we know

 **Inej:** He’s doing it again

 **Kaz:** Doing what?!

 **Inej:** You try to make a point, but then you forget what your point is and you just kind of keep repeating the same thing

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I HAVE A POINT HERE

 **Inej:** and here we go again

 **Kaz:**...Suppose I’m dead.

_Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Pointless_

**Pointless:** What the-

 **Pointless:** Really?

 **Jesper:** Hahaha

 **Nina:** Nice one, Jes

 **Pointless:** Wait I have one more thing to ask

 **Inej:** Okay but you better actually ask it

_Pointless (ThirtyMillionKruge) added Kuwei (ImBack) to the chat._

_Pointless (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz._

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Inej:**...really kaz?

 **Kaz:** SHUT UP WRAITH

 **Kaz:** Suppose I died.

 **Kuwei:** I would take the time to respectfully mourn you

 **Kaz:** EVERYONE, KUWEI IS MY NEW FAVOURITE

 **Wylan:** NO

 **Wylan:** NOOOOOOO 

**Inej:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Wylan:** NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

 **Inej:** N **O** NON **O** NON **O** NON **O**

 **Kaz:** What is happening-

_Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed name to Kaz’s Favourite_

**Kaz:** What- 

**Kaz’s Favourite:** HA 

**Matthias:** I’m scared 

_Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed name to Kaz’s Kruge_

**Kaz’s Kruge:** Try and beat that, WYLAN 

**Kaz’s** **Favourite:** 😒 

_Kaz’s Favourite (Van Sunshine)_ _has changed name to Inej Ghafa_

 **Inej Ghafa:** Hahaha 

**Kaz’s Kruge:** IMPOSTER 

**Kaz:** What-

 **Kaz:** What the-

 **Kaz:** What the ****

 **Kaz:** Stupid chat restrictions

 **Jesper:** This is hilarious 

**Nina:** This is true though 😂 

_Kaz’s Kruge (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed Inej Ghafa (VanSunshine)’s name to Wylan van NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF._

_Kaz’s Kruge (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed name to Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME._

**Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME:** Ha

 **Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME:** Oh **** there’s a typo

 **Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME:** Seriously, how does ‘beat’ correct to ‘ebay’? 

**Wylan van** **NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF:** I am offended by this name 

**Kaz:** I have lost track of what is happening 

**Jesper:** Better if you don’t know 

**Matthias:** I am going to stop this before someone gets hurt 

_Matthias (WolfBoy13) has kicked Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME (ItsyBitsySpider) from the chat._

_Matthias (WolfBoy13) has reset Wylan van NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF (VanSunshine) to Wylan._

**Matthias:** There 

**Kaz:**...I’m scrolling up and reading this confusing argument 

**Kaz:** Wait why did Wylan change his name to Inej 

**Wylan:** Because you love Inej more than anything else 

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I-

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** But-

 **Kaz:** I’m trying to come up with an argument here 

**Jesper:** We’re waiting

_Jesper (KazSucks) has added Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat._

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Suppose Inej is dead. 

**Nina:** Kaz no you can’t just say ‘Inej is dead so I can’t love her’

 **Nina:** It doesn’t work like that 

**Kaz** : YES IT DOES

 **Kaz:** So ha 

**Wylan:** No it doesn’t 

**Kaz:** YES IT DOES NOW I’M KICKING ALL OF YOU SO I GET THE LAST WORD 

**Wylan:** Last word 

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has kicked Jesper (KazSucks), Kuwei (ImBack), Nina (Waffles4ever), Matthias (WolfBoy13) and Wylan (VanSunshine) from the chat._

**Kaz:** NOOOOOOO

 **Kaz:**....

 **Kaz:** I can fix this

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has added Wylan (VanSunshine) to the chat._

**Kaz:** Last word.

_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has kicked Wylan (VanSunshine) from the chat._

**Kaz:** I am amazing.

 **Kaz:** Too bad no one is here to witness how amazing I am

 **Kaz:** I’m talking to myself, aren’t I?

 **Kaz:** *sigh*

 **Kaz:** I feel like I’m forgetting something

 **Kaz:** Like I have something important to do

 **Kaz:** Nina is screaming that the toaster is on fire

 **Kaz:** I probably should go get my toast

 **Kaz:** Now she’s screaming my name

 **Kaz:** Like it’s my fault I like my toast extra crispy

 **Kaz:** She says she threw out the toaster because I broke it

 **Kaz:** They shouldn’t have a setting to cook it that long if it’s not meant to be used

 **Kaz:** I’m surprised it didn’t set the smoke alarm off

 **Kaz:** Probably because Jesper broke the smoke alarms

 **Inej:** You gonna keep talking or... 

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Wait how long have you been here-

 **Kaz:** How much of that did you hear— 

**Inej:** Basically the whole thing.

 **Inej:** Here’s your toast. 

**Kaz:** HEY GET BACK HERE—

 **Kaz:** YOU CAN’T JUST THROW TOAST AND MY FACE THEN LEAVE-


	31. “Omg she looks dead”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m doing summaries like this now...  
> This chapter will include...  
> -Inej getting sick  
> -Jesper owing Kaz a shitload of money  
> -Kaz raging at the chat filters  
> -And Matthias celebrating because he doesn’t have to be stuck with a bunch of idiots for 2 weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowww I did it  
> This started out as Inej breaking her wrist and turned into this  
> Part two will be just random slices of the two weeks that the 4 are stuck together  
> So yep  
> Yep that’s that  
> Have a nice day or whatever  
> -Also just checked my email that I used for this and holy frick you guys and your kudos I have like over 100 notifs-

**Jesper:** I’m bored. Who wants to go find something fun to do?

 **Matthias:** Your idea of fun is usually chaotic and reckless.

 **Wylan:** Also, bad things happen when you complain about being bored.

 **Kaz:** I’m bored.

 **Wylan:**...idiot

 **Nina:** I’m bored too.

 **Matthias:** Idiots.

 **Jesper:** Where’s Inej, anyway?

 **Kaz:** She said she was going to your place

 **Jesper:** She’s not here

 **Wylan:** Honestly she probably is here and is just hiding in the shadows or something

 **Nina** **:** Sounds accurate

 **Jesper:**...or maybe she’s laying on the floor in the hallway

 **Matthias:** A bit specific there but okay

 **Jesper:** No I think she actually collapsed in the middle of the hallway 

**Wylan:** Omg she looks dead—

 **Kaz:** WHAT

 **Wylan:** Never mind she’s breathing

 **Kaz:** Is she hurt?

 **Jesper:** Don’t think so

 **Kaz:** She’s breathing?

 **Wylan:** Yes, I said that already

 **Kaz:** Nina call a **** medik

 **Nina:** Okay but what are you gonna do?

 **Kaz:** Go make sure Jesper doesn’t **** kill her

 **Kaz:** **** Wylan, why does it block ****

 **Kaz:** -.-

 **Kaz:** W t f Wylan, why does it block f r i c k i n g 

**Wylan:** Because I said so 

**Kaz:** ****

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Damn?

 **Kaz:** Sweet.

 **Wylan:** Oh no I forgot that one

 **Kaz:** Wait don’t—

 **Kaz:** **** it

 **Kaz:** **** CHAT FILTERS

 **Kaz:** WYLAN NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP ME FROM SAYING S T U P I D

 **Wylan:** Yes I am, stupid-face

 **Kaz:** NO FAIR, HOW COME YOU CAN SAY IT?

 **Wylan:** I’m special.

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I’m calling Kuwei so he can come fix this—

 **Nina:** Shouldn’t we be focusing on Inej?

 **Jesper:** I put her on the couch.

 **Jesper:** Oh s-

 **Wylan:** What?

 **Jesper:** I think she’s sick

 **Jesper:** She’s got a fever

 **Kaz:** That’s it, I’m coming over there so you don’t accidentally kill her

 **Nina:** Awwww Kaz is worried about Inej

 **Kaz:** I need her to spy

 **Kaz:** If she’s sick, she can’t spy

 **Kaz:** It’s completely logical and in no way related to the fact that she’s possibly my friend

 **Matthias:** Keep telling yourself that..

—later—

 **Matthias:** So what’s wrong with her?

 **Wylan:** She has COVID-19 **(** **BECAUSE I’M TOO LAZY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER HERE-)**

 **Wylan:** She’ll feel sucky for a few days then hopefully get better

 **Nina:** No way that sucks

 **Nina:** At least she’ll be okay

 **Jesper:** Me, Wylan, and Kaz probably all have it too now because we touched her and Kaz did saints-know-what while they were alone

 **Nina:** Haha so you all have to stay together for 2 weeks

 **Nina:** Have fun

 **Kaz:** WAIT WHAT

 **Kaz:** NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT-

 **Wylan:** Weren’t you listening to the medik?

 **Wylan:** No leaving the house for 2 weeks. They’re going to drop off food and stuff

 **Kaz:** I have to stay here

 **Kaz:** With Jesper.

 **Kaz:** For two weeks.

 **Nina:** That’s karma for eating my WAFFLES

 **Matthias:** *sigh* So glad I stayed here with Nina

 **Jesper:** I can’t even tell if that’s sarcasm or not

 **Matthias:** I don’t know either.

 **Wylan:** Wait we’re gonna get sick after Inej, aren’t we?

 **Wylan:** DANG IT I HATE BEING SICK

 **Kaz:** I don’t get sick

 **Kaz:** My body refuses to become sick in the first place. It just kills the germs before they have a chance to react, then it takes their money

 **Jesper:** Please tell me that’s a metaphor

 **Kaz:** Nope that’s actually what happens because I’m just that skilled

 **Wylan:** What does germ money look like?

 **Kaz:** Jesper’s money

 **Nina:** Wait why-

 **Kaz:** It’s Jesper’s money

 **Wylan:** I thought Jes was broke

 **Kaz:** He is

 **Kaz:** Because I took all his money

 **Jesper:** WAIT WHAT YOU THIEF—

 **Kaz:** Now you only owe me 4,865 kruge and 23 cents

 **Matthias:** That’s specific

 **Jesper:** Oh look, there’s a nickel in the couch

 **Kaz:** Thank you.

 **Jesper:** HEY THAT’S MINE

 **Kaz:** 4,865 kruge and 18 cents.

 **Inej:** Someone please explain to me why my lock screen has been changed to “Congrajulations! You’re sick! Have fun doing nothing for a long, long time. KAZ AND INEJ SITTIN IN A TREE NO ONE IS BETTER THAN JESPER (ME)”

 **Wylan:** You’re awake!

 **Inej:** Yes and also very confused, someone explain.

 **Matthias:** *inhale*

 **Matthias:** You collapsed in the middle of the hallway at Jesper’s place and we called a medik who told us you were sick with COVID-19 and now you’re stuck with Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan for two weeks because y’all have to self-isolate while me and Nina spend all your money on waffles and snow cones

 **Inej:**...okay then

 **Jesper:** :D

 **Kaz:** This is going to be a long two weeks...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (:


	32. Week 1 of Quarantine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you get:  
> -More begging for Doritos  
> -Jesper’s attempts to speak French  
> -Happy birthday! Have a dead Wylan  
> -Inej isn’t the only one who gets sick  
> -Kaz mutters in his sleep  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split the two weeks in half because otherwise it would be wayyyy too long  
> So here’s week one!

**Kaz:** How much longer do I have to stay here with you idiots??

 **Wylan:** It’s only been a day, Kaz

 **Wylan:** Also why are you texting us in the middle of the night?

 **Kaz:** Because I don’t sleep.

 **Inej:** Mhm sure Kaz

 **Inej:** You think that makes you cool but really it just makes you look tired

 **Kaz:** Shut up

 **Jesper:** I’m boreddddddddd 

**Inej:** What are Nina and Matthias doing?

 **Jesper:** Idk probably something more exciting than this

 **Kaz:** Jesper, I bet you 5 kruge that this is more exciting than what Nina and Matthias are doing

 **Jesper:** Deal

 **Kaz:** You owe me 5 kruge now.

 **Jesper:** What?! How?!

 **Kaz:** Nina and Matthias are asleep.

 **Kaz:** It’s the middle of the night

 **Kaz:** I’m pretty sure I can hear Nina snoring from across the city

 **Jesper:** No fair! You knew they were asleep!

 **Wylan:** You know that Kaz would never suggest a bet unless he was going to win, Jesper

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** Fine, but It’s still unfair...

 **Kaz:** Technically, you owe me 4,870 kruge and 18 cents now

 **Jesper:** o.o

 **Kaz:** Not that I’m counting or anything

-Day 3-

**Jesper:** Kaz

 **Jesper:** Kaz

 **Jesper:** Kaz

 **Jesper:** KAZ

 **Jesper:** BREKKAH

 **Jesper:** KAZ BREKKAH

 **Jesper:** Haha that’s fun to say 

**Jesper:** Or type

 **Jesper:** Whatever

 **Jesper:** Kaz Brekkah where are yah

 **Jesper:** You better not have broken quarantine 

**Kaz:** Shut up, I’m in Inej’s room, and you’re giving us both headaches

 **Kaz:** I’m not even the sick one

 **Nina:** Stop yo complainin

 **Jesper:** Nina, it’s about time

 **Nina:** Me and Matthias are having so much fun

 **Nina:** Not that what you’re doing isn’t fun too

 **Nina:** It just can’t possibly be as fun as this

 **Jesper:** Stop gloating

 **Nina:** Oh! I am offended that you think I’m gloating!

**Nina: 😏**

**Jesper: 😒**

**Nina:** Wylan I’m eating Doritos

 **Wylan:** DORITOS 😭

 **Jesper:** Nina!!!

 **Wylan:** Jesper, I’m not kissing you until you get me some DORITOS

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** NINA BRING ME SOME DORITOS

 **Nina:** I would... but wouldn’t that be against the rules?

 **Jesper:** THIS FOOD TASTES LIKE CRAP ANYWAY

 **Nina:** Maybe if you asked nicely....

 **Jesper:** *sigh*

 **Wylan:** NINA GIMME THE DORITOS

 **Jesper:** Nina, t’wouldst greatly pleaseth me if thee bringeth me the chips that art shapest in the form of a triangle, and flavoured with that which is called cool ranch.

 **Nina:** Jeez, you didn’t have to go all Shakespearean English on me

 **Nina:** That wasn’t even _good_

 **Jesper:** I can do it in French if you want

 **Nina:** I speak French, I’m curious now

 **Jesper:**......ummmm

 **Jesper:** Nina, ça va me make un vraiment content Jesper si tu peux m’apport un bag de Doritos pour Wylan something something croissant adios

 **Wylan:** You suck at French

 **Nina: 😂** That was wonderful

 **Jesper:** Oh shut up... I only took a year of French

 **Wylan:** Now about those DORITOS

 **Nina:** Relax, I’ll bring them tomorrow

 **Jesper:** Yay! Now Wylan says he’ll kiss me :D

-minute of silence-

**Nina:** Wait are they actually kissing or—

 **Matthias:** I don’t want to know.

 **Jesper:** You’ll never knowwwwww

 **Jesper:** SpoOoOoOoOooOooOoOookyyyyyy

 **Wylan:** No

 **Wylan:** Just no

 **Wylan:** You tried to do something there but I don’t think it worked

 **Jesper:** :(

 **Jesper:** Fine, I’m going to go get Kaz so he can make us some lunch

 **Matthias:** It’s 10 am

 **Jesper:** I’m hungry.

 **Matthias:** It’s still 10 am 

**Jesper:** KAZZZZ MAKE ME SOME FOOD

 **Jesper:** KAZ

 **Jesper:** KAZ KAZ KAZ KAZ

 **Wylan:** Kaz’s phone is literally right next to Jes and he hasn’t noticed yet

 **Jesper:**...oh

 **Jesper:** Wait lemme see if I can guess his password

 **Jesper:** WHAT KIND OF PASSWORD HAS 50 NUMBERS IN IT?!

 **Jesper:** MINE HAS FOUR

 **Nina:** It’s Kaz, what did you expect

 **Jesper:** Uuuuuugh now I have to go all the way upstairs to beg for food

-five minutes later-

**Jesper:** Guys Inej and Kaz are...

 **Jesper:** Not kissing

 **Jesper:** How disappointing 

**Nina:** Wait then what are they doing

 **Jesper:** Idk they’re just kind of talking and Kaz is playing with Inej’s hair

 **Wylan:** Awwwwww

 **Matthias:** And you know this how...?

 **Jesper:** I’m peeking through a crack in the door

 **Matthias:** Oh.

 **Jesper:** He’s smiling 

**Jesper:** Kaz is smiling and it looks so WRONG

 **Jesper:** It’s kinda cute though

 **Jesper:** Wait why is he picking up his phone

 **Jesper:** Wait how did he even get his phone, it’s right here-

 **Jesper:** -or not...

 **Jesper:** Now he’s smirking

 **Kaz:** Get away from the door before I kill you

 **Jesper:**...okay :(

-Day 4-

**Wylan:** WHERE ARE MY DORITOS

 **Nina:** I’m going to the grocery store now, sheesh child

 **Wylan:** DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS

 **Jesper:** *sigh* Look what you did, Nina

 **Inej:** Wait is someone getting Doritos?

 **Inej:** I WANT DORITOS TOOOOO

 **Wylan:** DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS

 **Inej:** DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS

 **Kaz:** Shut UP I’M TRYING TO WORK HERE 

**Jesper:** On what?

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:**......stuff

 **Jesper:** What kind of stuff?

 **Wylan:** DORITO STUFF?

 **Kaz:** No.

 **Inej:** He’s trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday, Jes

 **Kaz:** INEJ!!! SHE’S LYING!

 **Jesper:** Ohoho, seems like Dirtyhands really does care about people! More specifically, me. 

**Kaz:** Shut your face or I’ll give you a dead body for your birthday

 **Kaz:** It might even be Wylan’s

 **Jesper:** WHAT

 **Wylan:** WHAT

 **Kaz:** Just saying

 **Inej:** He wrote down ‘something that isn’t lime green because saints know Jesper looks horrid in it’

 **Kaz:** DO YOU WANT A DEAD WYLAN FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, INEJ?

 **Inej:**...kaz no

 **Kaz:** Then you better shut up 

**Matthias:** Can you give me a dead Kaz Brekker for my birthday?

 **Kaz:** Unfortunally, it seems we’re all out of stock for dead Kaz Brekkers. We’ve got plenty of dead Nina Zeniks, though

 **Nina:** Don’t drag me into this!

 **Wylan:** DORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS

 **Nina:** Now can I go home and relax?

 **Wylan:** Yes

 **Jesper:** AND WASH YO HANDS, NINA

 **Inej:** THE DORITOS ARE HERE?!

 **Wylan:** Nuuuuu they’re MINEEEE

 **Inej:** Kaz go steal the Doritos from Wylan

 **Kaz:** I have a better idea

-silence-

 **Jesper:** Which is...?

 **Kaz:** Oh right, you’re downstairs and can’t see this. 

**Kaz:** I pulled out a bag of Doritos from the bookshelf 

**Inej:** TAKE THAT, WYLAN

 **Wylan:** Well mine are cool ranch so HA

 **Matthias:** Someone please make them shut up...

-Day 5-

**Jesper:** Wylan is sick

 **Inej:** Awwww, poor Wylan

 **Jesper:** He’s kinda just laying in bed moaning

 **Kaz:** The poison is finally kicking in

 **Jesper:** WHAT

 **Kaz:** You never said you DIDN’T want a dead Wylan for your birthday

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** INEJ YOUR BOYFRIEND IS INSANE

 **Inej:** Relax, he didn’t actually poison Wylan

 **Jesper:** HE’S STILL INSANE

 **Inej:** At least I’m feeling better

 **Wylan:** Ineeeejejjjj i hate uuuu

 **Wylan:** Thjs sufckckcdsssss

 **Wylan:** N i ated all my dortisos

 **Kaz:** This is why Nina shouldn’t have gotten you Doritos

 **Kaz:** You need to take your time with them

 **Kaz:** Don’t eat them all at once

 **Kaz:** Right, Inej?

**Inej:**

**Inej:** Kaz I’m out of Doritos

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Is there an emoji of a facepalm because that’s what I’m doing right now

-Day 6-

**Nina:** Wylan are ya still sick?

 **Wylan:** YES

 **Wylan:** IT SUCKS

 **Inej:** Did I complain this much when I was sick?

 **Kaz:** No I don’t think so

 **Inej:** Okay, just checking

 **Nina:** Where’s Jes anyway?

 **Inej:** Asleep

 **Nina:** Oh

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** I feel like you’re all going to yell at me for this but I really want to take a bucket of ice water and pour it on his face

 **Inej:** Kaz, nO

 **Kaz:** But-

 **Inej:** KAZ GET AWAY FROM THE SINK WE ARE NOT WAKING JESPER UP

 **Wylan:** Mmmmm how do you turn yhe ringer thingy down cuz u guys r loudddddd

 **Inej:** Push the little buttons on your phone

 **Wylan:** That just turned it offffffff

 **Inej:** The other ones

 **Wylan:** SAINTS THAT’S LOUD

 **Inej:** The one below the one you just pushed

 **Wylan:** Ohhhhhhhhhh. There we go.

 **Inej:** Okay I’m gonna make breakfast

 **Jesper:** How about Kaz makes it so we can have Brekkfast

 **Kaz:** Nonononononono not Kaz puns

 **Nina:** That wasn’t even funny, Jes

 **Jesper:** Fine. If you don’t appreciate my talent, then I’ll shut up.

 **Kaz:** Really?!

 **Kaz:** This is the best day of my life now

 **Jesper:** Actually I was kidding

 **Kaz:** Why did I even bother getting my hopes up—

 **Nina:** Excellent question

-Day 7-

**Inej:** Kill me now

 **Inej:** Kaz mutters in his sleep I CAN’T FRICKIN SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM BECAUSE HE MUTTERS ABOUT KRUGE

 **Inej:** SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP

 **Nina:** Wait why is Kaz sleeping in your room

**Inej:**

**Inej:**

**Inej:**

**Inej:**

**Inej:** Uhhh...

**Inej:**

**Inej:**.......his room is too cold?

 **Nina:** Uhuh sure Inej

 **Nina:** Okay now actually why is he sleeping in your room

 **Inej:** I think he got lonely so he came in my room and started doing work at my desk then fell asleep

 **Nina:** Awwwww, lonely little Kaz

 **Inej:** He’s going to kill you when he sees that

 **Nina:** If. Not when.

 **Inej:**...

 **Inej:** If.... if is good.

 **Nina:** At least he doesn’t snore like Matthias is right now

 **Inej:** True.

 **Inej:** Wait hold up how do you know how Matthias snores?

**Nina:**

**Nina:**...his room is too cold

 **Inej:** Mhm alright sure Nina yep totally logical response there


	33. You’re sick, Kaz (Quarantine, Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter...  
> -Kaz gets sick (and denies it)  
> -So does Jesper  
> -More Doritos  
> -And weirdness in general  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I’m so sorry this took so long  
> I’ve been busy lately BUT I FINISHED IT  
> SO HERE IT IS

-Day 8-

 **Wylan:** I’m still fricking sick

 **Inej:** Sucks to be you

 **Wylan:** You know what I’m gonna come over there and cough in your face so you get sick again

 **Inej:** Um it doesn’t work like that-

 **Wylan:** Watch me

**Inej:**

**Inej:**

**Inej:** You coming or...

 **Jesper:** Omg why is Wylan laying on the floor

 **Inej:** Lol is he actually?

 **Jesper:** Yes and he also just called you quite a few unpleasant names

 **Inej:** Haha tell him I say hi

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** Where did he even learn these words-

 **Jesper:** KAZ 

**Jesper:** WHAT DID YOU TEACH WYLAN?!

 **Inej:** Kaz did you corrupt Wylan??

 **Kaz:** No. He’s fine

 **Jesper:** Then why did he say that he’s very grateful for the Kerch lessons you gave him

 **Kaz:** Someone made those words to be used, Jesper

 **Kaz:** If they didn’t want them to be said, they shouldn’t have created them.

 **Inej:** *sigh*

 **Wylan:** Inej I hate you

 **Inej:** That’s nice

 **Wylan:** You’re the worst

 **Inej:** That’s nice

 **Wylan:** I hope you fall off a roof

 **Inej:** That’s nice

 **Wylan:** JESPER WHY DOESN’T SHE CARE

 **Wylan:** INEJ HOW DO YOU JUST NOT CARE

 **Inej:** Because I know you’re delirious and don’t mean any of this

**Wylan:**

**Wylan:** Oh okay

 **Jesper:** Ahahahaha he just said Kaz has weird hair

 **Kaz:** AGAIN WITH MY HAIR

 **Kaz:** HONESTLY PEOPLE JUST LEAVE MY FRICKING HAIR ALONE!!!

 **Inej:** Kaz, can I give you my honest opinion about your hair?

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Fine but don’t embarrass me here...

 **Inej:** It’s completely ridiculous. I know it’s supposed to look intimidating, but quite frankly, that undercut just makes you look weird and like some kind of edgy teenager, not to mention the fact that you cut your own hair and you’re really horrid at it.

 **Jesper:** 😂

 **Kaz:** I can’t even-

 **Kaz:** Is that actually what you think of my hair?

 **Inej:** Yes but I love you anyway

**Kaz:**

**Jesper:**

**Kaz:** DON’T YOU DARE TELL NINA ABOUT THIS, JESPER

 **Jesper:** Hehehehehehe

 **Wylan:** Fun fact, butter is just lotion for bread

**Jesper:**

**Kaz:**

**Jesper:**

**Kaz:** Don’t say it...

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** KAZ CAN YOU GET ME SOME TOAST WTH LOTION?

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Inej:** Just spread hand sanitizer on the toast instead of butter

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Inej you’re a genius

 **Jesper:** Knowing me, I’d probably eat it anyway

 **Inej:** And make yourself sick...

 **Wylan:** I have lost track of this conversation

 **Inej:** Same...

-later...-

 **Inej:** Nina

 **Inej:** Ninaaaaaaa

 **Inej:** NINA

 **Inej:** Ms. Zenik

 **Inej:** Niiiiina

 **Inej:** Nina nina nina nina nina

 **Inej:** NINA

 **Inej:** Niiiiiiina

 **Kaz:** Inej I’m trying to work here and my phone keeps dinging

 **Inej:** NINA ISN’T ANSWERING ME

 **Kaz:** Of course she isn’t, she’s eating waffles with Matthias

 **Inej:** NIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAA

 **Nina:** Okay so I’m just gonna do this-

 **Inej:** NINA

 **Inej:** Nina?

 **Inej:** Nina did you block me-

 **Inej:** Shut up, Kaz

-Day 9-

 **Inej:** Guys I think Nina blocked me

 **Jesper:** Wait really?

 **Inej:** Yepppp

 **Jesper:** What did you do?

 **Inej:**...

 **Inej:** Just scroll up through the texts

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** Huh usually I’m the one spamming people

 **Wylan:** I’M STILL SICK

 **Kaz:** Wylan was, in fact, not sick.

 **Kaz:** He was just complaining.

 **Jesper:** No Kaz he’s actually sick 

**Kaz:** Prove it.

 **Jesper:** He has a fever and just called me ‘Jesssssssssssssssssssyyyyy’

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Okay fine you win

 **Inej:** Good news we’re more than halfway done this quarantine thing

 **Kaz:** I’ve beaten 2587 levels of _Wordscapes_

 **Kaz:** I’m ready for this to be done

 **Jesper:** Only five more days

 **Inej:** I can’t tell if that was a sarcastic ‘only’ or not

 **Jesper:** Let’s be honest. I don’t know either.

-Day 10-

 **Wylan:** GUESS WHAT?

 **Inej:** What? 

**Wylan:** JESPER IS SICK!!

 **Wylan:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 **Kaz:** YESSSSSSS

 **Jesper:** Honestly frick all of you

**Inej:** I didn’t do anything

 **Jesper:** You’re sitting on the windowsill looking smug

 **Inej:** Point taken.

 **Wylan:** Oh also I feel better

 **Wylan:** Sort of.

 **Jesper:** Wylan was right

 **Jesper:** THIS SUCKS

 **Inej:** Sucks to be youuuu

 **Jesper:** Must you really do that?

 **Inej:** Hmm let me think

 **Inej:** Yes

 **Jesper:** You’be been spending too much time around Kaz

**Kaz:**

**Jesper:**

**Jesper:** Uhhh not that that’s a bad thing??

 **Kaz:** Nice save

 **Jesper:** Thank you.

 **Nina:** Hellooo!

 **Inej:** Hiii

 **Inej** You unblocked me!

 **Nina:** Yes I did

 **Inej:** Yayyyy

 **Kaz:** WHAT THE **** WAS THAT

 **Inej:** What-

 **Inej:** Kaz why did you just throw a book at the wall

 **Kaz:** I HATE THIS AUTHOR

 **Jesper:** Wait what book is it?

 **Kaz:** KING’S CAGE

 **Kaz:** THEY CAN’T JUST DO THAT

 **Inej:** Kaz you’ve been spending too much time reading

 **Nina:** Wait what happened

 **Kaz:** A CHARACTER DIED

 **Kaz:** THEY FRICKING DIED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

 **Jesper:** I don't know what’s happening rn but it’s hilarious

 **Kaz:** WHO WANTS TO HELP ME KILL VICTORIA AVEYARD?

 **Inej:** Kaz no-

 **Inej:** You can’t solve all your problems with murder

 **Kaz:** I CAN TRY

 **Wylan:** What if we’re all just book characters and we don’t actually exist; we’re just being brought to life by other people’s words and feeling but really we’re just a bunch of letters

**Inej:**

**Kaz:**

**Jesper:**

**Nina:**

**Matthias:**

**Inej:** Why does this feel so _right-_

-Day 11-

 **Jesper:** How are you doing today Kaz

 **Kaz:**...fine?

 **Jesper:** Dammit he’s still not sick

 **Jesper:** Time to move on to Phase 2

 **Inej:** I’m curious now; what’s Phase 2?

 **Jesper:** Annoy Kaz to death

 **Kaz:** Oh no-

 **Jesper:** A whip is just a boneless sword

 **Kaz:** Nonononono-

 **Jesper:** Mirrors are actually green

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Jesper:** YeS

 **Kaz:** SHUT UP

 **Jesper:** BUT THEN IT WOULDN’T BLEND!

 **Kaz:** What the ACTUAL **** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 **Jesper:** KAZ DO YOU WANT A CHIMICHANGA?

 **Kaz:** NO I DO NOT

 **Jesper:** HOW ABOUT A KUMQUAT

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Jesper:** YOU SHARE FIFTY PERCENT OF YOUR DNA WITH A BANANA

 **Kaz:** NO I DON’T

 **Jesper:** OF COURSE YOU DO

 **Kaz:** ShUt Up

 **Jesper:** When you kiss someone your DNA stays on their lips for three days

 **Inej:** I did not need to know that-

 **Kaz:** SOMEONE MAKE HIM STOP

 **Jesper:** THERE COULD BE A GHOST AGGRESIVELY BREAKDANCING NEXT TO US AND WE WOULD NEVER KNOW

 **Kaz:** DON’T JUST DON’T-

 **Jesper:** MUSIC IS JUST WRIGGLING AIR

 **Kaz:** FOR SAINTS SAKE JUST SHUT UP

 **Jesper:** A FUNERAL IS JUST A FAMILY REUNION WITH ONE LESS PERSON

 **Kaz:** GOD NO-

 **Jesper:** INEJ GHAFA IS JUST DUNYASHA LAZAREVA WITH SKILLZ

 **Inej:** YESSSSS

 **Kaz:** I can’t argue wth that one-

 **Jesper:** KAZ BREKKER IS JUST THE DARKLING WITHOUT SKILLZ

 **Kaz:** I AM GOING TO KILL YOU-

 **Jesper:** A WAFFLE IS JUST A GLORIFIED PANCAKE

 **Nina:** I AM GOING TO KILL YOU TOO-

 **Jesper:** AWFUL USED TO MEAN GOOD

 **Wylan:** How do you shut him off-

 **Matthias:** You don’t.

 **Jesper:** SKATES ARE JUST KNIFE SHOES

 **Inej:** Why do I relate to this-

 **Jesper:** MONOPOLY TEACHES YOU ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE DEALS WITH KAZ

 **Kaz:** You get broke and I get rich and everyone loses except me because I’m so amazing I can steal from banks and still avoid the police because I have a million get out of jail free cards even though the game only came with four so now you know why I’m better than everyone

 **Inej:** This is why

 **Inej:** This is why we never play Monopoly

 **Jesper:** A FLUTE IS JUST A HORIZONTAL WIND STICK

 **Wylan:** :o

 **Wylan:** :0

 **Wylan:** :O

 **Inej:** Okay so I’m just gonna stop you all right there

 **Inej:** Because I’m going to bed

 **Inej:** GOODNIGHT

 **Jesper:** *whispers* night is just what daytime looks like to a blind person

 **Kaz:** NO

-Day 12-

 **Jesper:** Guess who’s no longer sick

 **Wylan:** THAT’S NOT FAIR

 **Wylan:** You we’re only sick for a day!

 **Nina:** Haha poor merchling

 **Inej:** Hey Jesper it’s your lucky day

 **Jesper:**...why?

 **Inej:** Guess who’s sick

 **Jesper:** IS HE ACTUALLY?!

 **Kaz:** NO I JUST HAVE A COUGH I’M FINE

 **Inej:** Yes he’s sick

 **Kaz:** I AM NOT

 **Inej:** Then why are you doubled over coughing and gasping

 **Kaz:** I’M FINE

 **Inej:** You’re really not, now go to bed

 **Kaz:** No

 **Inej:** YeS

 **Kaz:** nO

 **Inej:** yEs

 **Wylan:** I like how Jesper’s just standing here doing a victory dance

 **Kaz:** I’m going to kill him

 **Jesper:** Except you can’t

 **Jesper:** Because you’re SICK

 **Nina:** Whoa whoa whoa Kaz is sick?

 **Kaz:** NO THEY’RE ALL LIARS

 **Inej:** Yes he’s sick

 **Nina:** YESSSS

 **Matthias:** It’s about time 

**Kaz:** I don’t get sick

 **Kaz:** Therefore I cannot possibly be sick

 **Inej:** Kaz go to bed you need to rest

 **Kaz:** I do not

 **Inej:** When was the last time you slept anyway?

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**

**Inej:**

**Kaz:** Give me a minute, it’ll come to me

**Kaz:**

**Inej:**

**Kaz:**

**Inej:**

**Kaz:**

**Inej:** Go to bed, Kaz

 **Kaz:**...fine

 **Kaz:** But only because I’m tired

 **Kaz:** Not because I’m sick

 **Nina:** Mhm sure Brekker whatever you say

-Day 13-

 **Inej:** He’s still sick

 **Jesper:** Hahahahahaha

 **Inej:** He’s actually sleeping, thank the saints

 **Wylan:** Hey Inej

 **Wylan:** You know what this means?

 **Inej:**...

 **Inej:** :o I think so

 **Wylan:** WE CAN RAID KAZ’S DORITO CABINET

 **Inej:** YESSSSSSSSSSS

 **Jesper:** Wait that’s a thing?

 **Nina:** You mean I didn’t have to bring you Doritos because KAZ HAD THEM THE WHOLE TIME?!

 **Wylan:** Uhm maybeeeeee?

 **Nina:** 🤦‍♀️

 **Jesper:** Inej that bag of Doritos is bigger than you

 **Inej:** Shut up

 **Jesper:** When Kaz finds out

 **Inej:** I’ll use the ‘I was hungry but Jesper wouldn’t let me eat anything from the cupboards so I had to resort to stealing’ excuse

 **Jesper:** That works on him?

 **Inej:** Yes

 **Inej:** But only if it’s me

 **Jesper:** -.-

 **Nina:** Wait Inej are you and Kaz a thing

 **Inej:**...what do you mean

 **Jesper:** They’re obviously a thing, Nina

 **Nina:** I know but I need to hear Inej say it so it’s official

 **Nina:** We already got the ‘I have a girlfriend’ part from Kaz

 **Jesper:** Yeah but didn’t we get the ‘I love Kaz’ from Inej?

 **Nina:** Ohhh right!

 **Nina:** FINALLY IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU TWO IDIOTS MOVED THINGS ALONG

 **Inej:** *sigh*

 **Jesper:** Have you kissed yet?

 **Inej:** This is not ‘interrogate Inej about her relationships’ time

 **Inej:** But once. 

**Nina:** Disappointing

 **Inej:** You’ll survive.

 **Kaz:** I’m reading all of this and I’m very concerned about the sorts of things you guys do when I’m not around

 **Jesper:** Oh frick Kaz is awake

 **Kaz:** Yes you i-

 **Inej:** He was going to call you an idiot but he started coughing again

 **Kaz:** I HATE THIS

 **Kaz:** NO I’M NOT SICK SO SHUT UP INEJ

 **Inej:** Sure, Kaz

-Day 14-

 **Kaz:** WE’RE FREE

 **Inej:** No you’re free tomorrow

 **Inej:** Not to mention that you’re still sick and therefore staying here until you’re better

 **Kaz:** Well frick

 **Kaz:** Also I’m NOT SICK

 **Inej:** Yes you are

 **Jesper:** Yeah you are, Kaz

 **Wylan:** I think it’s actually kinda bad

**Kaz:**

****_Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has deleted the chat group._

  
  



	34. Beach Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter...  
> -Kaz almost gets arrested  
> -He also gets sunburnt  
> -Wylan and Kaz have a nice little chat   
> -Jesper’s phone gets hacked  
> -Matthias still thinks they’re all idiots  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow  
> How long has it been since I updated this?!  
> A month  
> Wow  
> Sorry guys XD  
> I’ll try and update more often from now on :)  
> Also sorry about any typos, I didn’t read through this

**Inej:** Guess what, Kaz

 **Kaz:**...what

 **Inej:** Nina's taking us to the beach

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:** Please tell me you're joking

 **Inej:** Nope

 **Kaz:** I'm not going

 **Inej:** Yes you are

 **Kaz:**...what if I was sick

 **Inej:** You're fine

 **Inej:** It took you like two weeks to get better but you're fine 

**Kaz:** I didn't say I was sick

 **Kaz:** I'm just saying what if I happened to be sick today?

 **Inej:** No, Kaz.

-later-

 **Nina:** WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!

 **Matthias:** NOOOOO

 **Nina:** YEEEEEESSS

 **Wylan:** But what if there are sharks-

 **Kaz:** Then they'll kill you and we'll all be a lot happier

 **Matthias:** Can they kill me, please

 **Inej:** Kaz be nice

 **Kaz:** No thanks

 **Nina:** Wait where’s Jesper

 **Kaz:** Can’t we leave him here?

 **Wylan:** He’s asleep.

 **Inej:** Kaz, no. Go wake him up.

-five minutes later-

 **Nina:** Why do I hear Jes screaming

**Inej:**

**Inej:** KAZ WHAT DID YOU DO

 **Kaz:** He’s awake.

 **Jesper:** KAZ I HATE YOU

 **Wylan:** What’d he do?

 **Jesper:** He dumped a bucket of fricking ice water on my head!!!

 **Matthias:** I’ve always wanted to do that...

 **Kaz:** Inej wouldn’t let me earlier

 **Jesper:** She didn’t let you now either, but you did it anyway????

 **Kaz:** Yes.

 **Inej:** Let’s just go...

-later-

 **Wylan:** WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO LET KAZ DRIVE

 **Jesper:** Probably his

 **Nina:** Haha Wylan got stuck with Kaz and Inej

 **Jesper:** Meanwhile we get to hang out with MATTYYYYYY

 **Inej:** I am offended that you said he got stuck with me

 **Inej:** It is a privilege to be in the same car as me

 **Jesper:**...no

 **Wylan:** NOT IF WE’RE GOING THIS FAST

 **Nina:** Look on the bright side; you’ll get there first

 **Wylan:** WE’LL DIE FIRST

 **Wylan:** I THINK THE STADWATCH ARE CHASING US

 **Inej:** Relax, that’s not the stadwatch. That’s just....

 **Inej:** WHY ARE THE STADWATCH CHASING US

 **Jesper:** You guys are gonna get arrested *clap*

 **Wylan:** KAZ IS DRIVING FASTER-

 **Wylan:** HELP ME

 **Nina:** Kaz if you kill our cinnamon roll then I will kill you very, very slowly.

 **Inej:** Okay I am slightly concerned now-

 **Inej:** KAZ WHY ARE YOU DRIVING AT 175 KM/H?!

 **Jesper:** KAZ SLOW DOWN, YOU’RE GONNA GET WYLAN KILLED

 **Nina:** YOU’RE GONNA WRECK MY CAR!!

 **Wylan:**...I think we lost the stadwatch

 **Inej:** Thank god he’s only going at 105 now

 **Wylan:** I’M ALIIIIIIVEEEEE!!!

 **Nina:** I am going to give him a piece of my mind when we get there

 **Kaz:** Would you all shut up? We’re fine.

 **Jesper:** Kaz, don’t text while you’re driving

 **Kaz:** I’m not.

 **Kaz:** We’re here.

 **Nina:** KAZ **** BREKKER, YOU’VE LOST YOUR DRIVING PRIVILEGES

 **Kaz:** Actually, no

 **Kaz:** It was your car I was driving, correct?

 **Nina:** YES

 **Kaz:** And the stadwatch wrote down _your_ license plate number, and are as we speak searching it up in their fancy database?

 **Nina:**...yes?

 **Kaz:** So doesn’t that mean _you’re_ the one who’s going to lose their license?

 **Nina:**.............

 **Jesper:** Damn, he’s good

 **Nina:** I hate you

 **Kaz:** I know.

 **Inej:** How much longer until you guys get here?

 **Jesper:** At this speed? Probably a solid hour

 **Nina:** Just be grateful Matthias doesn’t drive like Kaz...

-later-

 **Inej:** Hurrry uuuuupppp

 **Nina:** We’re almost there, chill

 **Wylan:** I’m bored

 **Kaz:** This is stupid

 **Inej:** I hate the beach

 **Jesper:** Then WHY DID YOU COME

 **Kaz:** You begged me for three hours straight, remember?

 **Jesper:**...oh

 **Inej:** I think Wylan is sunburnt already

 **Kaz:** That is why I’m staying in the car

 **Inej:** Meanwhile, Kaz is dying of heatstroke

 **Kaz:** I am not

 **Inej:** It’s like 40 degrees in there

 **Kaz:** It’s 39

 **Inej:** Whatever, come out

 **Kaz:** I hope Nina has good air conditioning in this car

 **Wylan:** Did he just turn the air conditioning up all the way-

 **Inej:** Yep

 **Wylan:** Well frick him

 **Inej:** Yep

 **Nina:** We’re heeeeeere!!!

 **Matthias:** Unfortunately. 

**Kaz:** Goodbye, peace and quiet...

-at the beach-

 **Kaz:** THERE’S SAND 

**Kaz:** I DON’T LIKE THIS

 **Kaz:**...did everyone leave their phones here...?

 **Kaz:** Idiots.

 **Kaz:** Inej come back please

 **Kaz:** This sucks

 **Kaz:** Oh look Wylan is back

 **Wylan:** Why are you texting the group? I’m sitting right next to you

 **Kaz:** Because I’m Kaz Brekker. I can do whatever the frick I want

 **Wylan:** Ooookay then

 **Kaz:** You’re sunburnt

 **Wylan:** So are you

 **Kaz:** WHAT

 **Wylan:** If it makes you feel any better, so is Matthias

 **Kaz:** That does not make me feel better

-silence-

 **Wylan:** Why are you staring at Inej

 **Kaz:** I’m not

 **Wylan:** Yeah you kind of are

 **Kaz:** I’m looking at the water

 **Wylan:** No I’m pretty sure you’re looking at Inej

 **Kaz:** I am not above killing you, merchling

 **Wylan:** I was just making an observation

 **Kaz:** An assumption.

 **Kaz:** And an incorrect one at that

 **Wylan:** I beg to differ.

 **Kaz:** But you’re wrong.

 **Wylan:** Says who?

 **Kaz:** Me.

-more silence-

 **Wylan:** What are you doing with Jesper’s phone?

 **Wylan:** That’s not his password-

 **Wylan:** Are you trying to hack his phone??

 **Wylan:** Omg you actually guessed the password

 **Wylan:** What was it??

 **Kaz:** WylanIsCute

 **Kaz:** And, by the way, you’re staring at Jesper

 **Wylan:** Would you shut up?

 **Kaz:** No.

 **Wylan:** Are you.... are you going through his notes

 **Wylan:** OMG GET OUT OF THERE

 **Wylan:** SOME OF THOSE ARE ABOUT ME!!!

 **Kaz:** They’re not all about you

 **Kaz:** Just 99% of them

 **Wylan:** Oh yeah, and what’s the other 1%

 **Kaz:** This one that’s titled ‘do not read’

 **Kaz:** “Not gonna lie, but Kaz Brekker is actually really hot.”

 **Kaz:** WAIT WTF

 **Kaz:** NO

 **Wylan:** WHAT?!

 **Kaz:** NO NO NO

 **Kaz:** THAT IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS

 **Wylan:** AND IT’S A LIE, TOO

**Kaz:**

**Kaz:**..thanks

 **Wylan:** :D

 **Kaz:** ****, they’re coming back

 **Wylan:** But this means we can leave!!!

 **Kaz:**...

 **Kaz:** This is my happy face, in case you couldn’t tell

 **Wylan:**...you look like you want to kill someone

 **Kaz:** Thank you.

-in the car-

 **Matthias:** I’m reading these texts and I am very worried about all of you

 **Matthias:** Mostly Kaz but also like everyone else too

 **Wylan:** Wait... Matthias, who’s driving??

 **Matthias:** Nina

 **Wylan:** Ohhh

 **Inej:** I’m also reading these and am also worried about Kaz

 **Inej:** And yes, in case you were wondering, he’s very sunburnt

 **Jesper:** HE HACKED MY PHONE

 **Jesper:** HE HACKED MY FRICKING PHONE AMD WENT THROUGH MY NOTES!!!

 **Inej:** Ah yes, “Kaz is hot”

 **Inej:** How could we have forgotten

 **Jesper:**...but he _is_

 **Wylan:** I feel slightly offended

 **Jesper:** If it makes you feel better, you’re much more huggable

 **Wylan:** Yay :D

 **Matthias:** I’d pay money to see you try and hug Brekker

 **Inej:** Honestly so would I

 **Jesper:** No.

 **Jesper:** Also did you guys let Kaz dive AGAIN?!

 **Inej:**.....maaaaaaybeeee

 **Matthias:** Like I’ve said far too often...

 **Matthias:** Idiots.


	35. The End

This is the end....  
I’m honestly too busy to continue this and I’m just not motivated to update anymore so yeahhhh  
The end.  
Sorry ‘bout that  
You guys can do whatever with this and do your own versions or something if ya want  
Wow this worked  
Yeahhhh anyway thanks to everyone who’s helped me with this and given me ideas and support and whatnot  
Really appreciated it :)  
Aight byeeeee


End file.
